


I Will Make You Walk Only On Flowers

by K1mHeechu1



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deviates From Canon, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Romance, Single Parent Javi, Slow Burn, reaaaaaaaaally slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2019-08-13 22:23:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16480868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/pseuds/K1mHeechu1
Summary: When he decided to go to Toronto, Yuzuru Hanyu was expecting to train alongside Javier Fernandez, Spanish figure skater and full-time athlete, and to have a rivalry that surpassed even that of Yagudin- Plushenko.He wasn’t expecting to become so close to Javi, Spanish figure skater, caring friend and full-time single dad.And he most certainly wasn’t expecting to become so enraptured by his little family.Boy, wasn’t he in for a ride…





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I have a midterm tomorrow so, of course I'm posting a new story, what else would I be doing? Studying? Pfff
> 
> I promise no one dies in this story, we might have some drama and angst in later chapters, but I will not kill anyone.
> 
> No Shomas were injured while making this story.
> 
> (ForeverDoesntExist, This is your fault.)

Brian smiled at Javier as he saw him leave the ice, laughing a little when he saw him jump at a loud thunder. The weather was horrible that day, it had been raining the entire morning, and it was still storming outside.

After taking sixth place at Euros, he seemed to be taking training a little more seriously. He got to the rink less zombie like and was actually listening to the advice they gave them.

He shook his head, concentrating on the skaters that were still on the ice, and pushing Javi out of his mind for the moment.

 

His phone vibrating in his pocket broke his concentration about two hours later.

He took a look at the called I.D and frowned.

 

_Javi_

 

Javier had never called him at all in the almost ten months he had been training under him. He quickly picked up.

 

“Javi, what is it?” The only sound on the other end of the line were quiet sobs and laboured breath. “Javi, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“Brian, help me please. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Oh god.” His sobs only got louder.

“Are you hurt? Where are you?”

“At home. Please Brian, I don’t know what to do. Dios mío. Mierda, mierda, ¿qué hago ahora?”

Brian quickly told Tracy he was leaving, that Javi needed him, which made her worry, but he promised to call her later and let her know what had happened when he himself knew.

He quickly drove to Javier’s house under the rain, parking the car and running up the stairs to his floor.

 

The door wasn’t locked, which immediately increased his concern.

Javi always locked the door.

“Javi?”

“I’m here” A whisper answered his question.

He took a couple more steps, eyes growing in size as he took in what was in front of him.

Javi was sitting on the floor, back leaning against the radiator in search for warmth, dripping wet and shivering.

But the shocking thing was the second presence in the room.

A baby.

Javi was cradling the small child, barely months old if even that much.

The baby was coddled in between blankets, but he could see small brown curls on their head, and a tiny hand wrapped around Javi’s finger.

“Javi, is that…”

Javi looked away from the baby’s face, and straight into Brian’s eyes.

“My daughter.” He looked back down. “She’s my daughter.”

 

Brian just looked at the new father cradling the small fragile body with care and love.

Outside the storm raged on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:  
> "Dios mío. Mierda, mierda, ¿qué hago ahora?" Oh my god, shit, shit, what do I do now?


	2. 25th of April, 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!  
> Look who survived her exam and even got a good grade! Guess miracles do exist, huh?  
> Here is the first chapter, I hope you will like it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

Yuzuru walked next to his mother, eyes wide and trying to process everything that was going on.

He was 17 years old, and had decided that, to further his skating career, he needed to leave his coach, his city and his country. It had not been an easy decision, but it had been one he had had to take.

And so here he was, barely a month after he had first told the JSF about his plans.

He had only one coach in sight when he made the decision.

Brian Orser.

The man that had made Kim Yuna into an Olympic Gold Medalist.

The man that had transformed Javier Fernandez from nothing but another skater to a serious competitor in no time at all. He had made him a medalist in months, given him the jumps he didn’t have.

The jumps Yuzuru needed to win in Sochi.

The JSF had asked for a couple of backup coaches, just in case they couldn’t get Brian Orser, but Yuzuru had been assertive. It would be Brian Orser, there were no backups.

And now he was in Toronto, surrounded by a language he didn’t really understand, away from the only home he’d ever know, and from the country that had seen him grow.

At least he had his mum with him, he didn’t want to imagine how he’d survived if he were to leave everything, get used to a new country, language and culture and on top of that, be alone.

“Mrs Hanyu, I’m glad you got here without any problems.”

Yuzuru looked up, to see Brian smiling at them.

“Thank you. We arrive fine.” His mum pushed him forward a little.

“Hello, Yuzuru. I’m happy you’re here with us.”

“Hello, Orser-san” Yuzuru bowed. He had planned an introduction, but all the English he actually knew had gone running for the hills the second he actually had to speak.

So much for a nice introduction. He really should’ve payed more attention to the English lessons at school.

“None of that, you can call me Brian, everyone does. Let me show you to the actual rink, so you can get a feel of where you’re going to be spending most of your time in the future.”

They followed Brian around the club, as he showed them the lounge, the gym, dance studios, and the locker room.

“And the most important part.” Brian said, guiding them through a set of doors.

Yuzuru fell in love instantly.

The rink was ice from wall to wall, no boards, with a wall full of mirrors on the far end.

He breathed in. He could feel the ice, smell the particular smell all rinks had.

It smelled like home.

“Javi!” He turned around to see a short, plump man motioning at someone with his hands, and he followed his line of view until he found the person that had started all of this change for him.

Javier Fernandez. Spanish National Champion. Currently a good skater, but Yuzuru could see it, in a way most people probably would never be able to until it hit them.

That man on the ice would make a formidable rival in the near future. And Yuzuru was going to be here to see the change happen… and to steal that quad sal. It was the best quad sal he’d ever seen.

He wanted to be the best, and he needed that jump to make it to the top.

“Javi has on-ice training on the morning, and then he does physical conditioning. We are still working to fix the schedule, because of personal reasons” Brian’s explanation was slow, to allow Yuzuru to understand. “I want you on the ice with him, I think you both would benefit of having the other there.”

“It ok for me” Yuzuru nodded. The more time he shared with Javier on the ice, the higher were his chances at stealing that quad.

“Great! This session is ending now, so if you want, you can look around while your mum and I go talk business. We’d be right over there.” He motioned towards a wooden door, and Yuzuru nodded again.

He had a feeling he’d be nodding his head a lot the next couple of months.

He watched his mum and his new coach disappear through the door, and turned his head towards the ice.

It was obvious Javier was cooling down, light strokes having replaced powerful ones, just going around the ice lazily but intently.

Yuzuru’s feet almost moved. He longed to be on the ice.

But he didn’t have neither his skates nor permission to actually go skate, so he just contented himself with watching the other skaters.

Javier was fixing his blade guards as he left the ice when he spotted him.

“Hello!” Javier rushed to where he was standing. “I’m Javier Fernandez, but we already met before, of course. I didn’t know you were coming so soon! Brian didn’t let me know when you were arriving, otherwise I would’ve offered to walk you around, how are you doing?” Yuzuru’s eyes widened, blood freezing when he realised he had gotten about forty percent of what Javier had said, but Javier instantly understood. “Do you speak English?”

“Little. Nice meet you, Fernan…” Yuzuru blushed when he realised he didn’t know how to pronounce Javier’s name.

“You can call me Javier. Or Javi if that’s easier. Everyone calls me Javi.”

“Okay. Habi.” Javier’s eye crinkled as he smiled at his pronunciation. “You call me Yuzu, yes?”

Javier smiled and nodded.

“JAVI!” They both looked at where a blond woman was standing, in front of a younger woman holding something. “Package for you.”

Yuzuru saw Javier’s smile widen as he nodded.

“I’ll be right there.” He turned to Yuzuru. “I’m glad to meet you, and I’ll see you tomorrow at training. Have a great day, Yuzu!”

Yuzuru nodded –again- and watched curiously as Javier run, skates still on, towards the women, saying something to the younger woman as he grabbed the bundle that Yuzuru just realised was… a baby? The younger woman smiled and left through the door, but Yuzuru could hardly pay attention to anything that wasn’t Javier and the child.

“Hola preciosa, ¿Cómo has pasado el día?” Javier cuddled the baby closer to him, and Yuzuru couldn’t help but stare. “¿Me has extrañado? Papá no podía esperar a verte. Vámonos a casa.” Javier kissed the baby’s head, giving them to the blonde woman. “Tracy, can you hold her for a couple minutes while I take off my skates and get my things, please?”

“You know I will, she’s such a cutie. We’ll be on the lounge when you’re done” She took the baby and left.

_“Yuzuru.”_

He quickly turned around, to see Brian and his mum staring at him.

“ _Are you ready to go back to the house? We’ve finished all paperwork and you can begin training tomorrow morning_.” His mum quickly told him.

_“Yes, we can go.”_

 

They said their goodbyes and made their way out.

But Yuzuru couldn’t pay attention to anything.

He couldn’t get the image of Javier Fernandez holding that baby out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> "Hola preciosa, ¿Cómo has pasado el día?” Hello, beautiful, how was your day?  
> “¿Me has extrañado? Papá no podía esperar a verte. Vámonos a casa.” Did you miss me. Dad couldn't wait to see you. Let's go home.
> 
> (Italics are japanese)


	3. June 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who even knows what this chapter is, I don't at least.  
> Also, I realised the youngest child I've been around was like, 5, so you have no idea the amount of baby research I went through lol.   
> The full original chapter was almost 3k words long, but I decided to split it in half to make it more bearable, so I'll be uploading the other half on Friday, I think.
> 
> I hope you like it!

Javier smiled as he saw Effie jump onto the sofa.

“Hi Kitten. What are you doing?” The cat simply purred and looked curiously at the baby. “Yes, I know, she’s small and kind of boring right now for you, but she’ll grow up and give you lots of pets, you’ll see” Effie meowed, curling next to his leg and closing her eyes.

A small whine caught his attention.

He looked down to where the baby was previously sleeping in his arms, and saw her sleepy expression, big brown eyes staring at him with wonder. He smiled at her.

“Hello, little flower. How are you doing? Had a good nap in Papa’s arms?” She moved her hands and let out a big yawn. “Aww, are you still sleepy? C’mon, let’s get you a bottle, I bet you’re hungry.”

He got up, walked to the kitchen and put her down in her portable swing –it had been a gift from Tracy, and he was so grateful for it. She loved the swing and would always stay quiet and focus on the little stars that hung over her head while she was laying in it-, turning around to prepare a bottle of formula.

Javier smiled as he heard her soft noises while he worked.

“Alright, we’re done.” He picked her up. “Here is your dinner Miss.”

He cradled her securely in his arms and offered her the bottle, her lips instantly latching around the rubber nipple of it.

“Such a hungry little lady. You eat a lot for such a small thing, don’t you?” Javier walked around as he fed her. He had quickly learnt that she preferred to be in constant motion while eating, otherwise she would get fuzzy and refuse to eat.

Once she was done feeding, he put the bottle down on the kitchen sink to clean later, and walked to her room, where he took a towel, placed it so that it covered his shoulder, and burped her.

“There we go, all set.” He put the towel back down, and looked at her face. Her eyes looked even wider, staring at him like he was the best thing in the world.

He kissed her little head, preparing everything and quickly changing her diaper and clothes, putting a new onesie on her, so she’d be ready for bedtime in a little while.

Javier took her with him to his bedroom, setting her down in the middle of the bed, feeling okay with leaving here there alone for a few moments because she still didn’t know how to roll onto her belly, and changing into a soft sleep shirt and a pair of shorts.

“Want to have cuddle time, little flower?”

He picked her up quickly moving the covers back and settled down on the mattress, back against the mountain of pillows and the baby’s warm body against his chest.

Javier looked down. He couldn’t help but to want to look at her little face all the time. Her cute pouty lips, her shiny eyes, with such a particular shape and colour, the way her little eyebrows moved, the way her soft, barely there dark curls framed her features. She had so much hair for a baby.

She was the most beautiful baby he had ever seen, and she was his.

His life really had changed in the last three months, but he wasn’t at all mad about it.

He had made the right choice, the only choice that ended with a happy, healthy baby.

He didn’t regret anything for a second.

His daughter was everything.

Javier laughed a little when he felt her little palms hitting him on the chest, eyes staring into his.

“Yes, sorry, sorry, I’ll talk to you while we have cuddle time. I’m sorry.”

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Javier sat there lacing his boots, watching the other skaters already on the ice.

That first night, when he had called Brian, he had been so incredibly scared.

Would it work? Would he be able to raise his child and skate competitively at the same time?

He had been so scared he’d be kicked out and end up trying to take care of his daughter without a University Diploma, or a figure skating career.

But Brian had listened to him as he told him the whole story that stormy night, had helped him calm down, and had taken care of the baby as he took a shower and changed clothes, and then helped him make the call to Spain, to tell his family the news.

He was so thankful for Brian for making sure he could be a figure skater and a single dad of a three month old at the same time.

He was thankful for Tracy, for accepting her without knowing the story, but instantly helping him learn to take care of his daughter, and getting him a trustworthy babysitter, and promising to take care of her when he had to go to competitions in the near future, and his child was still too young to fly.

He was thankful for his family, because they had been shocked when they learned about the baby, but been fully supportive and helped him get everything he needed to take care of her while he was still trying to find his balance –luckily the Ontario government provided parents with a Child Benefit payment, it wasn’t a lot of money but any money was great to lessen the burden on his parents until he could get his name more known in the figure skating world and drawn in sponsors-.

That morning, he was also thankful for whatever higher being had given him the most amazing, gentle and peaceful baby. She tended to sleep soundly, only woke up once or twice during the night, and she always instantly stopped crying the second he cradled her in his arms.

Javier tugged on his laces one last time, and got to the ice, taking off his skate guards and cracking his neck.

“Hi Javi!” He found himself being knocked into, and he smiled, ruffling the kid’s hair.

“Hey Nam, how are you doing?” He really liked Nam’s personality, open and confident even though he had been in the club for a really short amount of time, and enjoyed having the younger boy around for warm up.

“I’m doing great! Not looking forward to practising spins though, but Tracy said I wouldn’t be allowed to jump if I didn’t.”

“Well, better get on with your warm up, or she’ll really ban you from jumps for the day.”

Nam saluted him, and skated backwards hurriedly.

Javi sighed and made his way to the centre of the ice, skating slowly.

 

\-------------------------------------------

 

Yuzuru let out a sound of frustration as his body slammed onto the ice once again.

It was the fifth time that day.

And he wasn’t training any jumps.

Oh no, he was simply doing stroking exercises.

And kept falling because he kept tripping up over the toe pick.

As if he were a novice.

Scratch that, he was worse than a novice. Novice Yuzuru would’ve never caught his toe pick on the ice.

“Hey, are you okay?” He looked up to find Javier standing over him, offering him a hand.

‘Why are you being nice?’ He wanted to ask ‘I’m your rival, I want to destroy you on the ice, why are you being so nice?’

He didn’t say anything, of course.

Yuzuru accepted the hand he was being offered, pushing himself up with Javier’s help, and shook his head.

“Fine. Pick in ice and go baam.”

He hated he couldn’t really say things the way he wanted to because he didn’t have the language level that would require.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a bad day, you’ll be better tomorrow, you’ll see”

Yuzuru nodded, bowed shortly and skated away, trying to put as much distance between Javier and himself as he could without coming across as rude.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Javier, he was extremely friendly, and funny, and overall great to be around, and he helped Yuzuru not be as tense most of the time, but he just couldn’t be around him today.

He was scared his bad mood would increase, and one wrong word would make him explode and treat Javier badly.

He didn’t want to treat Javier badly. Not when all Javier had ever done was encourage him and give him a smile when he was down.

He also didn’t want to feed into his stupid little crush on Javier.

Yuzuru was in Toronto to train and become an Olympic Champion, not to make friends or fall in love.


	4. September 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remind me not to give myself updating deadlines in the future?   
> I always fail miserably and get demotivated.
> 
> Anyways, new chapter for you! 
> 
> See you when I see you for next chapter, lol.

“Oh, Yuzu, you’re leaving already?” Yuzuru turned around and saw Tracy’s head poking out of a doorway. He nodded. “If it’s not too much to ask, could you take Javi’s bag with you and take it to his house? He lives five blocks away from you, on the way from the bus stop to your house.”

Yuzuru frowned a little as his brain struggled to translate everything, but he nodded the second he understood what Tracy wanted.

“Take Javi bag to Javi home?” He asked, just in case he hadn’t gotten it right.

“Exactly.”

“I can do.” He extended his hand, and Tracy smiled, disappearing for a moment, and then coming out of the room with Javier’s bag. “That skate bag? He forget boots?” Yuzuru looked disturbed, as if he couldn’t believe someone could forget their skates. Tracy laughed.

“He had a rough day, and then he had to run out of the door before his practice actually finished, so I think he just took his skates off and threw them in there, hard guards and all.” Yuzuru squeaked in horror. Javier hadn’t even properly cleaned them and put soakers on!?

“Javi home where?” He winced at his sentence. That didn’t sound right. Damn it, why was English so hard?

“Here.” Tracy gave her a piece of paper with an address written on it. “You can just let your phone’s navigation system guide you after you get out of the bus, if you need to, but it’s really easy to find.”

“Ok I do that. Bye Tracy! Monday I see you!”

“Have a nice weekend Yuzu! And thank you!”

 

Yuzuru lived about twenty minutes away from the TCC. It was a really nice, quiet neighbourhood, all wide pavements and big trees.

The people at the TCC had even helped his parents find a nice house for sale in the area, that they had bought before moving in.

‘It’s an investment, son.’ His father had said when Yuzuru had protested. ‘You will live there for at least a couple of years, and we have the money to pay for it, so it’s okay.’

He was shocked he hadn’t known Javier lived so close to his house.

He recognised the address, it was five blocks away from his home, on the same street, stuck right in the middle of the road Yuzuru walked to go take the bus to the train station, where he then boarded the train that took him to the rink every day.

He stopped when he reached the address.

The house was small, and the white paint on the walls looked like it had seen better days, but it looked… cute? Not the bachelor pad he was expecting someone like Javier to have, but he could see how the house fit Javier.

He walked to the door and rung the bell.

“Just a second!”

Quick footsteps. A word in Spanish Yuzuru couldn’t understand. A cat meowing.

The door opened to reveal Javier, who smiled widely when he saw Yuzuru standing there.

“Yuzu! What are you doing here?”

“Hi Javi. I have bag. Tracy tell me take to Javi home so I am here” He motioned down and Javier saw his skate bag.

“Oh, wow, thank you! To be honest I didn’t know I had left it at the rink. I left so quickly I didn’t even remember to grab it.” Yuzuru pushed it towards Javier, who took it immediately. “Do you want to come in, and hang out for a while?”

Yuzuru’s eyes widened.

“I…” He was about to say he had to go when he heard a meow, that he could now tell had come from inside the house. “You have cat?”

“Oh, yes, that’s Effie, want to meet her?”

Yuzuru bit his lip. He didn’t want to get too close to Javier, and staying over for a while wasn’t in his plans, but… cat.

And so he nodded and went in.

“You can pet her if you want, I’ll go get my little flower” Yuzuru nodded absent-mindedly, finding it strange Javier was going to go get a plant, but quickly ignored all thoughts as he leant down and extended his hand so the cat could smell his fingers.

Effie nosed the offered digits, looked at Yuzuru, and instantly rubbed against him, making him smile and pet her back.

He heard a noise behind him, and turned his head to see what that’d been.

He fell flat on his butt.

Javier.

Javier was holding a baby.

He then remembered the first day he had gone to the rink.

Javier was holding the same baby that day.

His mouth fell open.

“Yuzu, if you want to, you can sit on the couch to pet Effie.” He then noticed Yuzuru’s expression. “Are you… ok?”

“Baby.” He said. Javier looked at the child in his arms and nodded confusedly. “Why Javi have baby?”

Javier’s eyes widened.

“Oh! No one told you? I thought Brian or Tracy would’ve by now. C’mon, come sit.”

Yuzuru scrambled up, following Javier and sitting on the sofa next to him.

“Yuzuru Hanyu, I want to introduce you to someone.” He smiled, and helped the baby stand on her tiny legs on top of his legs, holding her middle to help her stay like that. “This is Alhelí Francisca Fernandez. She´s six months old, and she’s my daughter.”

Yuzuru’s eyes could’ve fallen from their sockets from how wide they were open.

“Daughter? Javi is baby’s dad?”

“Yes, I am.”

Yuzuru inspected the baby, watching her tiny body dressed in a little bear onesie, dark hair curling slightly on her head, dark eyes looking at him curiously.

He extended a hand, but quickly stopped himself from reaching out, flexing his fingers.

“She look like Javi on hair, but eyes…” Javier bit his lip, nodding. “Her mum?”

“She doesn’t have one.” Javier’s tone got cold, and Yuzuru nodded quickly, instantly understanding it was not something Javier wanted to talk about.

He gasped when he looked back down and saw the baby smiling at him.

“She smile! She so pretty!” He gushed. The baby smiled wider, as if knowing she was being praised.

“Do you want to hold her?” Yuzuru quickly shook his head no.

“She first baby I see this close. Habi… what her name again?”

“Alhelí Francisca Fernandez.” Yuzuru looked overwhelmed by the long, foreign name, which made Javier laugh. “Tracy and Brian call her flower too, because Alhelí is actually a flower in Spanish.”

“Too hard. I find other name?” Yuzuru suggested. “Javi know other nickname for her name?”

“Well, Alhelí doesn’t really have any normal nicknames, but in Spain, the name Francisca has a lot of nicknames you can use, like Francis, Chica, Cisca, Kika…”

“Kika is pretty. I can use?” Javier nodded, and Yuzuru looked down at the baby again. “Hello” The baby looked at him with big brown eyes, full of wonder. “Hello Kika-chan.” The newly nicknamed Kika squealed at Yuzuru, waving her arms and leaning forward excitedly.

“I think she likes it.” Javier smiled at Yuzuru, and then tickled his daughter’s belly, making her laugh prettily.

Yuzuru took a deep breath and extended his hand.

Kika quickly grabbed it with both hands, tugging it closer to her with unexpected force and oohing and ahhing in a language only she seemed to understand, all smiles and excited movements.

“Kika-chan, you very pretty.” Yuzuru cooed at the baby, looking up at Javier to see him smiling at them. “Javi baby very pretty.”

“Of course she is.” Javier said, amused tone in his voice. “She’s my daughter, she’s the prettiest baby ever.”

“Thank you for me meeting Kika-chan, Habi.” The baby lost interest in Yuzuru’s hand and begun getting a little winy.

“Oh, it’s food time.” Javier said, switching her around, and rubbing her back. “Someone’s hungry.”

Yuzuru took out his phone and his eyes widened when he saw the time.

“Mum kill me! I not tell her I with Javi!”

“Well, we don’t want that. I guess you better go home now.” Yuzuru pouted, staring at the baby. “You can come visit any time, play with Effie and the little flower, and we can even make plans for a video game night, what do you say?”

Yuzuru nodded excitedly.

“Great! I’ll walk you to the door.”

Yuzuru followed the dad and baby duo, picking his stuff up on the way.

“Thank you for bringing my bag, I mean it, really. This one’s babysitter had a family emergency and I had to leave to pick her up in a rush, and forgot everything.”

“It ok.” Yuzuru purse his lips. “Clean skates completely, eh? It go bad if only blade guard and no dry.”

Javier laughed.

“Will do. Bye Yuzu, have a nice weekend!”

“Bye Javi, Monday I see you. Bye Kika-chan!” Yuzuru waved and let out a laugh when he saw Javier picking up Kika’s arm and moving to make her wave goodbye at him.

He started his way home with a wide smile on his face.

Three blocks later, he stopped abruptly and covered his face with both hands, whining a little.

He definitely had a crush on Javier.

But not only did he have a crush on Javier. He had a crush on Javier, who had a daughter.

And Kika-chan was the cutest, tiniest human he had ever seen.

He was fucked.

He had promised himself he hadn’t come to Toronto to do anything but skate and become a champion, and not even five months later, he had a crush on an apparently completely heterosexual man, a rival skater, who was also a single parent of a six month old daughter.

He didn’t know whether to cry or laugh.

He was truly fucked.


	5. September/ October 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a nightmare to write, I couldn't further the plot even though I tried, so you're stuck with this.
> 
> I hope you like it, and see you in the next chapter!
> 
> EDIT: I just read it through and found all the mistakes... I'll edit them later when I'm not as sleep deprived lol.

Yuzuru made sure to clean every single surface of his boot extremely well, until he was satisfied with its state, and carefully placed the soakers on the blades, putting it in the bag before starting the process with his other boot.   
  
He shook his head in horror remembering how Javier had forgotten to clean his skates properly the previous Friday, biting his lips to avoid the smile that wanted to come out as he remembered that afternoon. The thoughts had plagued him since that day.    
  
He had spent the entire weekend working on homework and studying. Not the best way to spend your free days, but he did what he had to do… right after he procrastinated a bit, because why not? It wasn’t as if anyone would tell him anything if he played a game for 5 minutes more than he needed to, he was still getting the work done and mailed for the school to grade, so it was okay.   
  
But he hadn’t procrastinated by playing games. Oh no, he had procrastinated by thinking about Javier and his daughter over and over again.    
  
He couldn’t get the image of Javier holding little Kika out of his mind, even though he had tried to, he had really, really tried to. It was simply impossible.   
  
He knew it was bad, he knew he had to stop thinking about it, Javier and his family had nothing to do with him, he should just forget about it and go on with his life.   
  
“Hey Yuzu,” Yuzuru jumped in surprise, looking up to find Javier standing in front of him, freshly showered and changed into jeans and a casual shirt. “Are you okay? That boot has been clean for about five minutes now.” He looked down, realising he had been automatically rubbing the boot, inspecting it quickly to see if it was actually perfectly clean, and putting the soakers on.   
  
“Yes, okay. Thinking.”    
  
“Oh, great. Listen, are you free this afternoon? Today’s little flower’s babysitter’s birthday, so I gave her a free day, and was wondering if you might want to come hang out?”   
  
Yuzuru gasped when he translated what Javier had just said.   
  
“Javi want me go with?”    
  
“Well, I thought...” Javier seemed to start doubting himself, so Yuzuru hurried his answer.   
  
“Yes, I go. Javi ready?” He saw the relief in Javier’s face.   
  
“Yes, I’m ready. Are you?” Yuzuru closed the zipper and grabbed his backpack, and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”   
  
Javier led him to the lounge, and Yuzuru instantly smiled when he noticed Tracy holding Kika.   
  
“Hey Tracy, thanks for watching her.” Javier said. Kika heard his voice and instantly began babbling. “Hi baby!” He reached out for her and she squealed excitedly. “Yes, I missed you too. Look who’s coming to hang out with you.” Javier turned to face Yuzuru, and Kika instantly reached out for him, making his eyes widen in shock. “Yes! You know him, don’t you? Do you want him to hold you?”   
  
“Javi…?” Yuzuru quickly raised his hands, trying to avoid it, and Javier nodded.   
  
“Alright, maybe when we get home, you don’t want to deal with this squiggly worm in a bus.” Yuzuru deflated in relief. “Well, we’re leaving Tracy, thank you for everything! See you tomorrow” 

 

“Bye Tracy!” Yuzuru smiled and waved.

 

“Bye boys, bye Li!” Tracy smiled, and bit her lip when both boys had turned around, walking out of the lounge, telling Brian goodbye as he was coming into the lounge.

 

“Is that…” Brian looked at Tracy, surprise written on his features.

 

“Javier and Yuzuru with Li? Yes, it is.” 

 

“But when…”

 

“Javier forgot his bag on Friday, Yuzuru gave it back on his way home.”

 

“He actually let him meet Li?”

 

“He did.”

 

“This is not what I expected.”

 

“I know.” Tracy patted his hand. “I’ll take Nam for the afternoon, you just… go drink a cup of coffee and relax.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru couldn’t stop looking at Javier as he placed Kika in her baby carrier, the baby attentively keeping up a stream of babbly comments as her dad maneuvered her small body into the contraption, making him smile. 

 

“Okay, we’re all set. Let’s go.”

 

Yuzuru had instantly taken the handle of Javier’s suitcase to roll it along with his, ignoring Javier protests.

 

“You have Kika-chan and baby bag. I have skates. We even.”

 

Javier had just started walking when he saw he wasn’t going to win.

 

The train ride was quick, and they got to the bus stop just as their bus was arriving, so that was even quicker.

 

They walked leisurely, Kika signalling things and Javier saying the name of the things in both Spanish and English, and they stopped to pet a stray cat Yuzuru saw on the way, and Yuzuru took the baby bag off Javier’s hands so he could unlock the door.

 

“Thanks Yuzu! Just leave the skate bag here, I’ll take care of it later. You can go to the living room if you want, I’ll go change her diaper and clothes and I’ll be right back.” Yuzuru nodded, handing the bag back to Javier, and turning around to go to the living room.

 

He instantly beamed in joy when he saw Effie lying on the sofa.

 

“Hi kitty! Remember me?” He crouched in front of her, extending his hand. She quickly sniffed his fingers and headbutted his hand, rubbing her face on it. Yuzuru smiled, petting her a little and then picking her, sitting down and placing her in his lap, caressing her back and scratching behind her ears. Effie purred like an engine, making him giggle a little at the feeling of her fluffy body vibrating against his hand.

 

“So, how about we trade? Baby for kitten, what you say?” He looked up to find Javier standing in front of him, holding Kika who was looking down at him curiously. “What do you say, baby?” Kika squealed and leant forward extending her arms.

 

Yuzuru gulped but set Effie on the sofa next to him.

 

“I never hold baby, Javi? What if she fall?” 

 

“Don’t worry, it’s easier than you think. Just… here.” Javi unceremoniously dumped the baby in Yuzuru’s arms, making him squeal in surprise and quickly hold her firmly, acting by instinct. His eyes widened when he realised what had happened and he glared at Javier, who had Effie on his lap and was smirking at him.

 

“Javi! That not nice!” He scolded him, and quickly diverted his attention to the child he was holding. Kika looked at him smiling. “Javi, I can speak Japanese, yes?”

 

“Sure, why not? I’m already getting her used to both English and Spanish, a third language can’t hurt, and you’ll be around often so it’ll be nice for her to learn.” Yuzuru’s heart jumped at the thought of being around Javier and Kika for a long time. 

 

_ “Hi Kika-Chan, how are you doing?” _ Kika’s eyes widened at the strange sounds, her eyes looking at him curiously.  _ “Weird language, huh? What is this?” _ He fake gasp, making her squeal.  _ “This is not Spanish or English, what is Yuzu speaking, huh?”  _ He smiled, grabbing her little hand and caressing the soft skin.  _ “You’re such a pretty baby. Yes you are.” _ She kicked her feet out in excitement, and began babbling back.  _ “Oh, we’ll have you speaking Japanese in no time, you’ll see.”  _ He leant forth, and whispered. _ “Don’t tell your dad, but I’ll make it my mission to have for first word be in Japanese.”  _

 

He helped her stand up on his legs, and laughed with her when she started bouncing up and down.

 

“I think she really likes you.” Javier said, making both of the look at him. “She cries whenever someone new tries to get close, but she instantly smiled at you.” Yuzuru’s eyes disappeared from how wide his smile was.

 

“I like Kika-Chan too.” He pulled her towards him, her tiny body resting against his chest as he kissed her cheeks, making her babble even louder. “She so pretty.”

 

“She is.” 

 

Javier and Yuzuru looked at each other, smiles softening, until a loud squeal broke the moment.

 

“Well, what do you think about joining Kika and I for tummy time?” Javier said, and Yuzuru nodded, instantly tucking an arm around her diapered bottom, the other hand wrapping securely around her back, and standing up. “Oh, and Yuzu? You’re a natural at holding her, look at you!” Yuzuru realised he was holding her as if it were a second nature and bit his lip. “C’mon, let’s go, it’s play time.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Clothes?” 

 

“Check.”

 

“Bottles?”

 

“Check.”

 

“And her formula and food?”

 

“Yes, all 10 varieties of homemade pureé are in the fridge.”

 

“Diapers? Do we have enough diapers?”

 

“Javi…”

 

“What about her blanket? Did I put that in the bag? Have you checked?”

 

“Yes, Javi.”

 

“Call me twice a day. And message me every hour to give me an update.”

 

“Javi…”

 

“Oh, I should just withdraw, I can’t do this, I just…”

 

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Javier Fernandez.” Brian snapped, making Javier look at him. “You’re leaving for a week, not going to war. Tracy has raised kids before, she can handle a baby for a week. Now give Li to her and let’s go before we lose our flight.”

 

Javier bit his lip, looking at his daughter’s face. 

 

_ “Es sólo por un par de días, ¿eh, preciosa?” _ Kika stared at his father’s face with a smile.  _ “Pórtate bien y nos vemos muy, muy pronto, ¿de acuerdo?”  _ He kissed her chubby cheek, and then her forehead, and then gave her to Tracy.  _ “ _ Okay, I’m leaving now. Bye Tracy.”

 

“Bye Javi, good luck! Don’t worry, we’re going to be okay.”

 

Javi nodded, smiled to his daughter one last time and left quickly.

 

Brian closed the taxi’s door after getting in.

 

“I thought that’d take longer.”

 

“If I didn't leave quickly I wouldn’t have left at all.” Javier answered, sighing and leaning his head back against the seat, in resignation.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Javiiiiii!!!!!” Yuzuru and his mother were waiting for them, after they’d rushed through check-in.

 

“Hi Yuzu! How are you?” 

 

“I good. Kika with Tracy, yes? How you do?”

 

Javier bit his lip.

 

“It’s the second time I’ll be apart from her for more than twelve hours, I don’t really know if I’ll survive.” 

 

Yuzuru patted his shoulder solemnly, and Brian rolled his eyes at their dramatic antics.

 

“Okay people, let’s get moving. We have a plane to board.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You two are rooming together. No staying up late talking, alright?” Yuzuru looked insulted, Javier just nodded and snatched the card key from Brian’s hand. “All of our rooms are on the other end of the hallway if you need anything, alright?” The both nodded, and went into the room. “Alright, go to sleep now, it’s late and you need to be bright and early tomorrow, we have practice in the morning.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Javi shower first?” Yuzuru asked, sitting on the bed and looking at Javier make a mess of his luggage with a disapproving frown.

 

“You can go first, I’ll finish getting my things out and then shower.”

 

“Okay.” Yuzuru quickly collected his things and got into the bathroom.

 

Javier finished tidying his suitcase, and smiled at the pictures of Kika Tracy had been sending him.

 

He didn’t expect being away from her to be so hard, even now that she wasn't a newborn, and he still had six days before he could see her again. How would he handle the season? He might have to arrange a way to bring Kika with him when he competed. 

 

Skate Canada and Worlds wouldn’t be too hard, since they were both in Ontario and relatively close to home, but he’d really need to consider what he was going to do about NHK, Nationals, Euros, and the GPF if he qualified. He couldn’t take Kika to all of them, could he? 

 

“Javi?” Javier was startled out of his thoughts, and looked up. He stopped breathing. 

 

Yuzuru was fresh out of his shower, clad in soft pyjama bottoms and a shirt that was far too big on his frame, hair still damp and cheeks flushed from the warmth of the bathroom.

 

“I done. You can shower.” Javier nodded, grabbed his things and run to the bathroom, slamming the door shut in his haste.

 

Yuzuru toweled his hair confusedly.

 

_ ‘What the hell was that?’ _

  
  
  
  


  
Javier couldn’t stop thinking about Yuzuru. 

 

The way he looked when he skated, his cute face, the way he held Kika, how much his daughter seemed to love him even if she had only seen him twice, the way he had softly spoken Japanese to Kika, lovingly and sweetly. 

 

He was an adorable boy, and could become a good friend, that was it. That was definitely it.

  
His eyes widened the second he stepped out of the bathroom.    
  
Yuzuru, , was sitting in the floor, folded in half, chest resting on his thighs, hands grasping his feet, and softly breathing out the tension from the day.   
  
‘You’re straight Fernandez’ Javier mentally reminded himself. ‘And he’s a kid. You’re not a pedophile, you idiot.’ He closed the door, and Yuzuru looked up.   
  
His soft, sleepy smile blinded him.   
  
‘Oh fuck. I’m fucked. This is not good.’

  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Es sólo por un par de días, ¿eh, preciosa? Pórtate bien y nos vemos muy, muy pronto, ¿de acuerdo?” : It’s just for a couple of days, beautiful. Be good and we’ll see each other very, very soon, ok?


	6. October 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> This chapter was originally supposed to be much longer (original draft is over 7k), but I've had some issues that haven't allowed me to concentrate long enough to edit it all, so I edited the first 2k and realised it was a good place to stop and leave the rest for the next update.
> 
> (The issue being I apparently love Yuzuru Hanyu so much, I gave myself an ankle injury to match his, and I learnt it's impossible to write or edit through pain, so yeah)
> 
> Hope you like it!! See you when I see you!

Yuzuru and Javier were sitting in the main warm up area, playing around with a blue stripe of  _ something  _ that no one knew where they had gotten from, making silly faces and taking pictures.

 

People were staring.

 

He looked at Ghislain, who was leaning against a wall, watching their students make a fool of themselves. Ghislain shrugged his shoulders, clearly signaling there was nothing they could do about them.

 

Brian was about ready to pack his bags and move to Siberia. He had signed up to be a coach, not a glorified babysitter for a 17 year-old japanese prodigy and a 21 year-old skating dad extraordinaire. 

 

But here he was. Trying to hide from the world as his students kept doing stupid stuff. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru and Javier were completely ignoring everyone.

 

It had actually been Javier’s idea to get pictures of things so that he could show Kika when he went back home. Yuzuru didn’t understand why a seven month old baby would care about the pretty tree Javier had seen on his way to the venue, but he shrugged, and allowed himself to join the silliness.

 

It had gone downhill from then, and he was pretty sure the rest of the skaters thought they were a pair of idiots, but they were having fun and stalling the pre-competition nerves, so they didn’t really care.

 

He laughed a little when Javier stood up to choke him with the blue band, both snickering as they looked at the pictures they had previously taken.

 

“Alright, that’s it. Enough tomfoolery. Your practice time is coming up, go get ready.” Brian said, and they quickly nodded and did what they were ordered to do when they saw he was one picture away from kicking their asses back to Toronto.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“KAWAII!” Yuzuru said, grinning at the picture Javier was showing him: Kika wearing the tiniest Spanish football jersey ever, a sign that read “Suerte Papá!” being held next to her by someone off camera. She looked really pretty, dark hair brushed back and big, deep eyes staring at the camera. ”Kika-chan so pretty!” 

 

Javier smiled at Yuzuru.

 

“There’s more.” He opened the next image and saw Yuzuru melt next to him. Kika was using a tiny Japanese football jersey -where Tracy had even gotten those shirts, the world would never know,- and a sign that read “Ganbatte, Uncle Yuzu!” next to her. 

 

“OH MY GOSH! THAT SO CUTE!” He flailed, stealing the phone to see it more closely. “Javi, send me. I need to show mum.” 

 

Yuzuru’s smile was wide, bright and shiny. 

 

Javier wanted him to never stop smiling.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru mentally berated himself. Why the 4T? Now he was going to have not only a deduction for the fall, but he was sure it was under rotated, so that would get called as well. 

He bowed and then skated towards the kiss and cry, going through the motions of the jump to see what had gone wrong.

 

“It was alright, we’ll work on it.” Brian had said, giving him his blade guards, which he quickly put on and went to sit. “Once the program matures and you get comfortable, it will be much better.” 

 

“I think 3A too close to boards.”

 

“The rink is not full sized, so that’s understandable, but you’ll have to be careful for the free.” Brian gave him his water bottle, and he looked around.

 

“Where’s Pooh?” He asked, confusedly.

 

“Oh, I left him over there.” Brian said chuckling apologetically, and Yuzuru smiled.

 

He knew Brian had done it to test if he’d realise. If he hadn’t said anything, he’d probably abandon his poor friend in all future competitions to avoid having to carry him.

 

Seemed like Brian needed to train Yuzuru to skate better, and Yuzuru needed to train Brian so that he’d realise that he wasn’t going to get away with abandoning Pooh-san.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru clapped vigorously as Javier took his final pose. He had had a clean skate, and Yuzuru was sure he was going to get a better score than him.

 

‘That damned 4T’

  
  
  
  
  


‘This is so boring’

 

Yuzuru was sitting next to Javier, absentmindedly staring at the Ice dancers in the middle on the rink. 

 

‘They can’t jump or they get disqualified, how do they even survive?’

 

“Brian, how many teams are there left?” Yuzuru turned to see Javier leaning towards Brian, who was unfolding a piece of paper, and he stood up to look too.

 

“Well, according to this, there are two more in this group, and then two groups to go. So I say we stay here and watch the first two teams of the next group and then we head in to have you two warm up”

 

“Okay, if that’s your plan. I want to get a couple more pictures for Kika while we warm up, can you take them?”

 

Brian motioned to Yuzu, who had raised his hand to be allowed to speak.

 

“Javi, Kika be 18 by time she look at all photos you take. Too many.”

 

He squealed when Javier hugged his shoulders and pulled him down, squeezing him against his body in retaliation.

 

He sat back down, but gulped when he felt Javier’s left hand sneaking under and patting his leg in a friendly manner.

 

He looked away, trying to focus back on the Ice Dancers.

 

He had a Free Skate to win. He couldn’t allow the butterflies he felt when Javier touched him to make him lose focus on his goal.

  
  
  
  


He knew he was going to win the medal the second he landed that opening 4T that had gotten away from him the day before.

 

He took it step by step.

 

4S. Landed… not great, but not a fall either.

 

Element by element, he tried to perform it delicately. The program was still new, still fresh.

 

It didn’t feel like his yet, but he would get there.

 

He finished his program, and immediately flopped to the ice, trying to get his breathing under control. After a moment, he got up and clumsily bowed to the judges, and then to the audience.

 

He stumbled his way to the Kiss&Cry, hugging Brian, and nodding approvingly when he saw Pooh-San hadn’t been forgotten in a corner again. Brian was learning.

 

He knew it wouldn’t be hard to make him do what he wanted, especially when what he wanted involved a happy, well-taken-care-of Pooh-San taped to the boards so he wouldn’t fall but could see him skate.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yuzu!” He looked up to see Javier running in his direction as people prepared everything for the victory ceremony.

 

“Javiiiiiii!” Javier jumped into his arms, hugging him close, and leaning back, making Yuzuru’s head collide with the wall behind. “Oww!”

 

“Sorry!” Javier laughed, lying his head on his chest and hugging his middle. Yuzuru’s heart was racing so fast, he hoped Javier couldn’t hear it with all the background noise.

 

They sat there looking out and randomly pointing out things in the crowd, and before long, it was time for the victory ceremony.

 

Yuzuru skated out first, going over the carpet with little steps and bowing to the crowd, before going to the podium, and climbing up to the first place. He shook the American skater that had gotten silver’s hand, and clapped loudly when they announced Javier.

 

He shook Javier’s hand when he came closer and then leant down to hug him briefly. Javier then made his way to the other skater shaking his hand and patting his shoulder from afar when the other went to hug him before climbing to the third place.

 

Yuzuru mentally snickered. Javier had only hugged him… Gosh, he sounded like a 12 year-old with a crush, didn’t he?

 

He received his… medal that wasn’t a medal, present and flowers, and then smiled for the pictures, trying to position himself in a way that would allow the other two to fit in the step as well. Javier draped his arm around his back, and as the photographers began to work, he started to tickle Yuzuru’s side.

 

“Noooo, don’t do it!” Yuzuru said between little giggles. Javier was the image of composure, smile polite and peaceful. “Javi!” He was still tickling him, so Yuzuru began elbowing his ribs, which made Javier smirk, trying to hold back the laughter.

 

As they took their victory lap, Yuzuru in the front and Javier second because the other skater had taken too long, Yuzuru couldn’t help but think he wanted to share the podium with Javier for as long as he could skate.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You happy you see Kika-chan today?” Yuzuru asked, looking up from his game as he felt Javier fidget in the seat next to him.

 

“Yeah. It’s been too many days without her.” Javier relaxed against the seat, turning a little to face Yuzuru more fully. “The only time I was away from her was at World’s, and we know how that went. My anxiety skyrocketed, and I couldn’t focus on skating. All I could think was about what a bad parent I was being for leaving my newborn alone with Tracy for so many days.”

 

“You better now. Have Bronze to prove.” 

 

“I guess. Knowing she’s older now and less fragile makes it better.” He laughed a little. “If eight months ago you’d told me I would be dying to get home to be with my daughter I would have thought you were insane. I mean, I always wanted kids, but I never imagined myself having a seven month old baby at 21. I always thought it would be after I retired, and got married, but I don’t regret a single thing that made me get Kika in my life.”

 

Yuzuru’s eyes widened.

 

“Kika.” Javier raised an eyebrow, confusedly. “”You call her Kika. Why?”

 

“I did?” Javier thought for a second. “Huh, I guess I did. I think I’ve gotten used to the nickname. You chose a really good name.”

 

Yuzuru smiled widely.

 

“I have much homework to make. But I go to Javi home Wednesday after practice to see Kika and cat, yes?”

 

“I’m sure Kika and Effie will love to see you.”

 

“Oh, and this!” Yuzuru stuck his hand inside his backpack, feeling around for a little bit and taking something out. He handed it to Javier.

 

It was a Pooh. Quite a big Pooh, actually. A Pooh Javier couldn’t believe Yuzuru had casually carried in his bag for so many hours.

 

“What’s this for?”

 

“Kika-chan! She need a friend too, and I see cute Pooh in airport, and think ‘Kika-chan need to learn Pooh from baby! Because Pooh is best!” 

 

Javier smiled at how cute and bubbly Yuzuru was when he talked about the yellow bear. And when he talked about his daughter as well, but he didn’t want to go there.

 

“Thank you Yuzu, I’m sure she’ll love him.”

 

The proud smile Yuzuru gave him almost blinded him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“MY LITTLE FLOWER!” Javier screamed, running out of the taxi towards where Tracy stood in front of her door holding the baby, and sweeping her into his arm. “Oh, preciosa, te he extrañado tanto! Tenemos que solucionar esto de las competencias, no creo poder volver a dejarte aquí tanto tiempo. Te amo, hija.” He kissed her chubby cheeks, making her squeal, and pat his face excitedly. “Hi Tracy! Thanks for taking care of her!” 

 

“Congratulations on your medal, Javi! I’m really proud of you.” She smiled at him sweetly. “And it was no problem, she’s such a well behaved baby,”

 

“Didn’t get that from her father, that’s for sure.” Brian muttered, and Tracy hit him in the shoulder.

 

“As I was saying, she was great the entire time. I do have to warn you, she has a bit of a cough, and she’s been sniffling, so I’m afraid she might be coming down with a cold.”

 

Javier looked down at Kika, and noticed she wasn’t as active as normal. 

 

“Oh, thank you for telling me, Tracy. I’ll see how she fares and maybe take her to the doctor tomorrow.”

 

“All babies get ill at some point, Javi. Relax, and enjoy your next two free days with your daughter. You’ve earnt them.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yuzu, we need to work on perfecting the edge on your flip.” Yuzuru pursed his lips. “Don’t make that face, you saw the protocols. We should run it through to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

 

Yuzuru was about to protest when Nam run into the rink, holding Yuzuru’s phone.

 

“I’m sorry I grabbed it, Yuzu, but it won’t stop ringing and it’s driving everyone in the locker room insane.” 

 

Yuzuru looked at Brian, who sighed, a resigned look on his face, and motioned for him to grab the device. His eyes widened when he saw the missed call notification on the lockscreen.

  
  
  


_ 10 missed calls _

_ Javi _

  
  


The phone began ringing again and he instantly picked up.

 

“Javi? What it?”

 

“Yuzu, I need you and Brian. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? Oh god.”

 

“What wrong? Javi?” The urgent tone in Yuzuru’s voice made Brian and Nam freeze.

 

“Please, please, I can’t do this alone, please.”

 

“JAVI!” He yelled, startling the Spaniard into silence. “Say what wrong and how we help.”

 

Silence.

 

A deep, shaky breath.

 

“It’s Kika. They don’t know what’s wrong with her yet. We’re in the hospital, and they took her away.” A soft sob. “Please Yuzu. I need a friend. I can’t do this alone”

 

Yuzuru closed his eyes and bit his lips.

 

“Text address. We be right there.” 

 

“Gracias. Gracias, gracias, gracias…”

 

“Javi, Kika-chan be okay. Don’t worry. Kika-chan be okay.”  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, preciosa, te he extrañado tanto! Tenemos que solucionar esto de las competencias, no creo poder volver a dejarte aquí tanto tiempo. Te amo, hija.” : Oh, beautiful, I’ve missed you so much! We need to fix this competition thing, I don’t think I can leave you here so much time again. I love you, child.


	7. October 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, Guten Tag.
> 
> It's me, disaster author again, bringing you a new chapter. 
> 
> All medical stuff mentioned in this chapter was written after a shit ton of research, so I'm sorry if it's not medically accurate, I did my best! 
> 
> (This is also when I realised I am extremely bad at describing programs, but did it anyway, lol)
> 
> I hope you like it! 
> 
> (Next part should be up pretty soon, since it's already halfway written)
> 
> See you when I see you!

Yuzuru followed Brian as they run into the hospital, instantly spotting Javier sitting in the waiting room.

 

“Javi!” Javier looked up, and instantly deflated when he saw he wasn’t alone anymore. 

 

Brian rushed to his side and put his hands on his shoulder. Javier slumped forward.

 

“What happened? Do you have any news?”

 

“She had been coughing all day yesterday and the day before, but seemed fine. Last night was rough, the coughs kept getting worse so I stayed up with her to keep her calm and check she was okay.” Javier had desperation written all over his face. “This morning she started coughing and then began turning blue. I panicked and instantly called an ambulance. They took her away the second we got here and I haven’t heard anything. I’m so scared.”

 

Yuzuru sat gingerly next to Javier, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Javier squeezed back, looking at him as Brian sat on his other side.

 

“Alheli Fernandez” The three of them instantly stood up and walked to the doctor.

 

“I’m her father.” 

 

“Your daughter’s oxygen levels were worryingly low when she got here, but we’re working to keep her on a normal rage.” Javier squeezed Yuzuru’s hand so tightly it hurt, but Yuzuru just squeezed back in support. “We’ve run test for RSV, or respiratory syncytial virus, pneumonia and pertussis, also known as whooping cough. She tested positive for pertussis.”

 

Javier looked so lost and scared. He was so scared for his daughter.

 

“Has anyone in the family been sick with a cough?” Javier shook his head. “Well, at some point during the past week or so, she must’ve been out in public and in close distance of someone that was ill. It’s really contagious, so I would like to have people that were in contact with her during the past week started on antibiotics to make them non-contagious. And if any of you is going to be in contact with her that hasn’t been around, I would advise you to use a mask just in case, especially if there’s any respiratory issues or immunodeficiency.” Both Brian and Javier looked at him.

 

“Asthma.” Yuzuru said, and the doctor nodded.

 

“Then you need to keep a mask on at all times, at least for the next 5 days until antibiotics can work and make everyone involved non contagious if they’ve caught it from her.”

 

“What’s her prognosis?” Brian asked, rubbing Javier’s shoulder.

“In adults that have been previously vaccinated, pertussis looks like nothing more than a cold, some sniffling and a cough, but in babies it’s much more complicated.” Yuzuru could feel Javier trembling as the doctor talked. “In younger children the prognosis isn’t good. Since your daughter has completed her round of immunizations with the 6 months old booster, her chances are much higher than if she hadn’t been vaccinated yet. Still, I don’t dare give you a full prediction of what might happen, because nothing is certain.”

 

Javier had started crying silently. Yuzuru was trying to swallow his tears.

 

“We’re going to keep her in the medical floor, and have her heart and oxygen levels monitored 24/7. As she progresses, we’ll get an idea of what we’re facing and how we’ll treat her.” 

 

“Can I see her?” Javier asked, desperately. The doctor nodded.

 

“I’m going to guide you all to where she will be staying, no more than three people at a time can be in the room, though, for safety reasons. Since she’s an infant, parents can stay with her during all times of the day.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“I’m just doing my job. If you follow me I’ll guide you gentleman to her room. And get you a mask, young man, since it wouldn’t be safe for you to visit her without one.” Yuzuru quickly nodded. 

 

He would wear ten thousand masks if that meant he could be next to Kika.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next two days felt as if everyone was trying to swim in a pool full of molasses. Time moved slowly, and  anxiety was at an all time high.

 

Brian and Tracy had arranged things so that either one or the other would be by Javier’s side at the hospital at all times, or at least ready to run to him the second he called. 

 

Yuzuru kept training, trying to focus as much as he could when he was on the ice, even though his thoughts tended to stray quite frequently. It was a weird feeling, not being able to focus on his skating. He thought he’d never have to feel it again after the previous year. The second training was done, he went home, left his skating bag, picked up some of his schoolwork and instantly took the bus to the hospital. 

 

The first day was fine. Kika had a cough that sometimes got a bit serious but it wasn’t frightening.

 

On the second day, things got worse.

 

The sun was setting when Kika started coughing again, silent and heartbreakingly. Both Javier and Yuzuru jumped up and went over to her, looking at her and wishing there was something they could do.

 

She started turning blue, and monitors started beeping. Medical staff rushed in to assist, fiddling with the oxygen and voicing out medical things Yuzuru couldn’t comprehend. He felt like he was the one that couldn’t breathe. After what felt like eternity, Kika gasped in a breath and everyone relaxed  a little.

 

“Her oxygen levels are fluctuating, but that’s not what’s worrying us.” Said the doctor once he had thoroughly examined Kika. “During her most recent coughing fit, her heart rate dropped from an average of 163 to 53. That’s extremely concerning.”

 

They couldn’t do anything for her, other than give her oxygen. There was nothing they could do but wait.

 

The following day, Yuzuru skipped training. No one said anything. His mother just nodded at him when he woke up at dawn and grabbed his backpack, and Brian patted him on the shoulder when he got to the hospital.

 

The spent the entire day at Kika’s side, hearts stopping every time a fit started.

 

‘Please take a breath. Please take a breath, Kika-Chan.’

 

Yuzuru wondered if this is what his mother felt like when he had asthma attacks as an infant. Kika wasn’t even his daughter and he couldn’t help but feel powerless and terrified for her.

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
Kika was getting worse. 

 

She required too much care for the medical floor, so the doctors transferred her to the infant ICU.

 

Javier looked like he was dead on his feet.

 

Only two people could remain with Kika in the ICU, so Brian, Tracy and Yuzuru would take turns, Yuzuru staying most of the day after his training was done. He couldn’t stop training completely, not with Skate America happening the following week, but he was too worried to be as intense as he tended to be.

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru’s heart broke three days after Kika was transferred to the NICU. 

 

Brian was still inside the room, so he was waiting for him to leave, biting his lips in pain as he heard Kika struggle to breathe in the midst of another fit.

 

He looked inside the room, trying to force himself to stay positive.   
  
Instead, his tears started falling as Javier looked down, Brian’s hand on his back as he shuddered.   
  
“Está bien si ya no quieres seguir luchando.” He whispered, looking at his daughter. “No te culparé en lo más mínimo, preciosa. Papá te ama tanto, no importa qué pase, tienes que saber que Papá te ama más que a su propia vida.”   
  
  


  
  


There wasn’t any training happening the following day, so he convinced Brian to make Tracy stay at home and rest. They had been spending long nights in the hospital and still working the following day, and Yuzuru was young. He could take a sleepless night to be with Kika and Javier.

 

The next few days would be incredibly important. If the fits didn’t get better by the end of the week… he didn’t even want to think about it. 

 

It was about 2AM by the time Kika’s most recent fit had died down, and the baby was now sleeping, cheeks flushed once again, no sign of blue on her lips. Yuzuru had forced Javier to rest a little. He had tried to fight, but fell asleep the second he sat down.   
  
  
Yuzuru took a deep breath, caressing Kika’s soft curls gently.   
  
_ “If you have it in you, please get better.” _ He looked up, towards where Javier’s sleeping form was slumped uncomfortable on the small armchair.  _ “I don’t think your dad would be okay if he lost you.”  _ He bit his lower lip, trying to stop the tears. “ _ I wouldn’t be okay if we lost you.”  _ He scooted his chair closer to her little body, watching her small chest rise and fall, trying to draw hope from her small breaths. “ _ Tell you what, I’ll do my absolute best in Skate America. I’ll break a record for you, and thank you in the Kiss&Cry, so you have to get better and get older to watch it and see how cool Uncle Yuzu was and how much he loved you even when you were a tiny little thing, okay? _ ”

  
  


  
  


 

  
The trip to Kent was full of lip biting and phone staring for both Yuzuru and Brian. 

 

Kika was still in the NICU, prognosis still uncertain. 

 

She looked like a completely healthy baby, vitals and levels normal for a child her age, but the second she started coughing, her heart rate and oxygen levels would drop and all anyone could do was just watch and wait. Hope she’d be able to take a breath.

 

Yuzuru wanted the competition to be over already. He wanted to get it done and over with and go back to Kika’s and Javier’s side. But he knew this competition was important, and that, as much as he loved Kika, withdrawing was not an option.

 

So he stayed alone, avoiding the other skaters as much as he could and trying to force himself into the right mindset, all while messaging Javier for updates on Kika’s health.

 

When the SP came around, he was sharp and focused. 

 

He had a promise to fulfill.

  
  
  
  
  


He breathed in, held it for a second, and then breathed out slowly. 

 

And then his music started.

He put himself in the character, the one he had created for the program, that was so different from himself, but so him at the same time. He put the mental checklist on his character’s hands, to try and combine both things. He needed the technical and he needed the artistry, and he wanted to make sure both were in sync.

  
  


He approached the first jump. 4T.

 

Landed. 

 

Keep the focus.

 

Flying camel spin. Not the best, but not too bad.

 

‘Just breathe, Yuzuru.’

 

Sit spin. He felt his body a little tight, but not overly so. It was okay.

 

‘Own the character, Yuzuru. C’mon, you can do it.’

 

3A. He greeted it like he would a trusted friend. It did not disappoint him.

 

3Lz, 3T combo. Not quite right. He could do it better. He would have to work on that.

 

‘You’re almost there, c’mon. A little more.’

 

He launched himself into his step sequence with abandon. He was a rockstar. He needed to own it.

 

‘One last element. You’re almost there.’

 

Change Foot Combination Spin. 

 

He took his ending pose daringly, confidently. 

 

He knew. He was sure he had made it. He had to have made it.

 

He bowed to the judges, then to the crowd, and made his way to where Brian was waiting.

 

“Good job. You did great.”

 

Yuzuru smiled, going to the Kiss&Cry. 

 

“It okay. I can do better.”

 

“You certainly can, but this is a great start.”

 

He smiled and bowed when the camera focused on him.

 

_ “Thank you everyone! I miss you Kika-chan! This is for you!” _ He waved to the camera and Brian smiled softly when he heard Kika’s name.

 

“The scores, please.” Yuzuru looked at the screen. “Yuzuru Hanyu has earned in the Short Program 95.07 points. This is a new seasons best and he is currently on first place.”

 

He couldn’t believe it. He looked at Brian who looked just as shocked as he was.

 

He had actually done it. He had kept his promise.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I’m sorry I couldn’t watch it, Yuzu.”

 

“It okay, I understand. Kika more important. For me too.”

 

“It’s so painful seeing her not being able to breathe. Every time she has a fit, I die a little inside. I just want to switch places with her so she won’t have to suffer any longer.”

 

“Doctor say something?”

 

“They’ll be running tests tomorrow. If it doesn’t get better…”

 

“Kika be okay, Javi. She need to be.”

 

“I hope so too Yuzu. I hope she’ll be fine.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The day of the FS, everything felt wrong for Yuzuru.

 

His chest felt tight when he woke up. He was extra careful, because the last thing he needed was to have an asthma attack.

 

He almost forgot Pooh-san at the hotel, and then he realised he had actually forgotten his gloves, so his mum had to go back to fetch them for him. 

 

Before his group was ready for the 6-minute warm-up, his laces snapped as he was putting on his skates.

 

The warm-up was mostly okay.

 

But as he stepped into the ice, and had to re-do his rituals because they had gone badly the first time around, he knew it was not going to be pretty.

 

He was right.

 

First element, the 4T. Fall.

 

He got up.

 

Second element, the Sal. Fall. 

 

He fought for the next elements, feeling his chest getting tighter and tighter. 

 

He gave himself some hope with the 3A, 3T combo, only to go and screw up in a 2Lz. He narrowly avoided falling. 

 

The second he launched himself into the third to last element, he knew it was going to go wrong.

 

The 3F. Again. Was he going to get an edge call again? Probably.

 

The edge call worry was knocked out of him, along with all the air in his lungs, as he fell quite harshly on the landing.

 

It took him a moment to be able to breathe and get up. But he did. And he finished the program. Barely.

 

He folded in half as soon as he was able to drop his ending pose.

 

His lungs weren’t working.

‘Breathe. Damn it, Hanyu breathe. You are not getting an asthma attack on the ice. Not today.’

 

He stood straight, or at least as straight as he could, and bowed, dejectedly making his way to the exit.

 

Brian didn’t touch him. He just nodded.

 

Yuzuru didn’t even ask for his blade guards. He simply went to the Kiss&Cry and sat there. Disappointed in himself. Disappointed with her skate. Mad with his lungs.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. We can fix it for next time.” Brian said, patting his shoulder as Yuzuru winced at the 4S repetition. “You fought for the axels, and that was great.”

 

“Skate was awful.”

 

“We’ll see. We’ll see how it went.”

 

“The scores, please.” Yuzuru bit his lip. “Yuzuru Hanyu has earned in the Free Skate 148.67. His total score is 243.74. He is currently in Second Place.”

 

He sighed, relieved. Silver. Silver was better than nothing. 

 

Silver was a good enough medal to bring to Kika.

 

He closed his eyes.

 

‘I did my part, Kika-chan. Now you need to keep your end of the promise and get better.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Está bien si ya no quieres seguir luchando. No te culparé en lo más mínimo, preciosa. Papá te ama tanto, no importa qué pase, tienes que saber que Papá te ama más que a su propia vida.” : It’s okay if you don't want to fight anymore. I won’t blame you, beautiful. Daddy loves you so much, no matter what happens know that Daddy loves you more than his own life.


	8. October 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here!!!!
> 
> I was so stuck on this freaking chapter, I wrote a thing and then I felt guilty bc... so much angst.
> 
> Anyway, this is short as hell, but it's something.
> 
> See you when I see you!

With one look only, Yuzuru managed to make everyone understand he was not in the mood for anything other than going to his room and staying there. Alone. And talking to no one.

 

His mum kissed his forehead and left him be, with a warning to mind the A/C and to get her if he felt his asthma was going to give him a rough night. He nodded. He knew she was aware he wouldn’t.

 

He kicked off his shoes, dropping his things on the side, quickly getting Pooh-san out of his bag, picking up his laptop and settling on the bed.

  


_How is Kika-chan? Can I skype call?_

  


**_I’ll call you in fifteen minutes_ **

  
  
  


He turned his laptop on, quickly logging into Skype, and leaving the program running as he collected his toiletries and rushed to the bathroom to take a quick shower, speedily washing his hair and body, drying himself while brushing his teeth and changing into a soft sleep shirt and a pair of pijama bottoms in record time, and running out when he heard the call notification.

 

He jumped on the bed, hitting the answer button at the same time, and breathed deeply when he saw Javier’s tired face show.

 

“Hi Javi. How Kika-chan?”

 

Javier smiled, and Yuzuru’s heart filled with hope.

 

“Doctors said that if she continues to improve the way she has been, she’ll be sent back to the medical floor by tomorrow morning.”

 

Yuzuru clapped excitedly.

 

“Kika-chan so strong! I can’t wait be back!”

 

Javier looked soft and sleepy, tired from watching over his daughter. He kept looking down at the floor.

 

“Tracy and I have talked, and we’ve decided that once Kika is back at the medical floor and stabilizes, I’ll be going back to training. I’m still not sure about Skate Canada, to be honest, I don’t want to leave Kika alone…”

 

“I stay with Kika-chan.”

 

Javier looked up in surprise, staring at Yuzuru through the screen.

 

“You… you would do that?”

 

“I love Kika-chan. And Javi is good friend. I help. NHK is last competition before Final, four days no training I can do.”

 

Javier bit his lip. He was obviously starting to tear up.

 

“Thank you.” Yuzuru grabbed Pooh-san and hugged him against his chest. “I know we’ve only known each other for months, but I’m really grateful for your friendship, and I trust you with Kika as much as I trust Brian or Tracy, or even myself.” Now it was Yuzuru who was getting teary-eyed. “Also, the fact that Kika seems to be absolutely in love with you helps.”  They both laughed, Yuzuru instantly rubbing his breastbone through his shirt. “Hey, are you alright? I watch the FS, you looked a little pale.”

 

Yuzuru nodded.

 

“Chest hurt all day. By half of FS I can’t breathe, was bad. Now ok, chest hurt but no asthma attack, I don’t think.”

“ Please be careful and tell your mum if you start feeling worse.” Javier told him seriously, and Yuzuru bit back a grin. “What? What is it?”

 

“You really talk like dad talk.” Javier gaped at that, making Yuzuru laugh even more.

 

“I… don’t even know what to say to be honest.”

 

Yuzuru stopped laughing as he started coughing, and forced himself to calm down as he felt his chest tighten.

 

“It... “ Javier looked even more worried now. “Okay, it okay. Lungs tired after free. Sleep will make better.”

 

“Then you better go to sleep. I don’t want you staying up late and not being rested enough for the gala.”

 

“Can talk tomorrow?”

 

“Sure. Call me when you wake up. If Kika’s already in the medical floor, I’ll even let you talk to her.”

 

Yuzuru’s smile was blinding.

  
  
  
  


Yuzuru could not call Javier as soon as he woke up. He had to rush to breakfast, and then his mum insisted on getting him a checkup even though his lungs felt fine after he had slept.

 

When he was finally able to retreat to his room again, he only had about an hour before he had to leave for gala rehearsals.

 

Javier answered the call almost instantly.

 

“Hi Yuzu!” He looked incredibly happy on the screen, happier than he had seemed in weeks.

 

“Hi Javi!”

 

“Look where we are!” He spun around a little and Yuzuru recognised the room.

 

“Old room?!”

 

“Old room!” Javier stopped moving and sat down. “Doctors said her fits are less frequent now, so she can be back in the medical room because she will not need constant monitoring. We just finished settling in about half an hour ago.”  He smiled, moving his phone to the side. “And someone’s awake now.”

 

Kika’s big, chocolate brown eyes that looked so much like Javier’s were staring right at Yuzuru.

 

“ _Hi Kika-chan!_ ” The baby’s eyes instantly widened when she realised that, somehow, Yuzuru was in that little device, and he was talking to her. _“You look so pretty! I’m so glad you’re a little better now, you had us so worried!”_

 

Kika squealed and kicked out her feet, babbling excitedly, making Yuzuru smile widely.

 

“Okay, beautiful, that’s enough excitement for today.” Javier took the phone away, focusing the camera back on his face. “Are you ok to do the gala? Is your asthma under control?”

 

“Yes and yes. Doctor say it okay. I skate gala and then we go home right after. No stay longer.”

 

Javier smiled.

 

“I’ll watch the gala then, to see how your exhibition program actually looks because you haven’t shown it to me live.”

 

“See you tomorrow, Javi!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier couldn’t stop caressing his daughter’s chubby cheeks as she slept.

 

He was so relieved she was getting better. Her fits had gone from 10 or more per hour, to about 2 or 3, which the doctor had told him was a great thing. It meant her immune system was finally catching up with the disease. Her heart beat had finally stopped dropping so abruptly with each fit, and he was extremely happy she had been transferred back to the medical floor, even though he felt really nervous about not having the NICU nurse there all the time.

 

He had been warned when Kika had first been admitted that she would be in the hospital for a while, and they had not lied.  Doctors had told him that, if she kept progressing the way she was, she would be out of the hospital within the next two or three weeks.

 

It sounded like such a long time for such a young baby. And Javier couldn’t help but fear she would get worse again, but he knew that he had to have faith, and trust Kika would continue getting better.

 

He looked at the clock and saw it was almost time for the exhibition gala to start, so he sat back down, and turned on the TV in the small room.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Javi!” Yuzuru run to the figure waiting in front of the hospital, and jumped into his arms.

 

“Hi Yuzu!” Javier hugged him tightly. “Congratulations on your medal!”

 

“Thank you.” He let go of Javier, and stepped back. “Where Kika-chan? I miss her.”

 

Javier started walking, motioning for Yuzuru to follow.

 

“I was kicked out for daily checkup, I think they should be done by now.”

  
  
  


Kika was extremely excited to see Yuzuru again.

 

 _“Kika-chan!”_ Yuzuru leant down and kissed her cheek, grabbing both her hands and smiling at her as she shook her arms in happiness. _“I missed you so much, you pretty baby. I’m so happy we both stuck to our part of the promise.”_

 

Kika babbled a little, smiling as she watched Yuzuru who kept analyzing her from head to toes.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I take picture with mind.” Yuzuru looked up at Javier and saw him gulp. “I miss Kika, so I take picture so I can think her when I not here. She so cute and strong.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“It was her babysitter.”

 

Yuzuru looked away from where he had been inspecting Kika’s sleeping face to stare at Javier.

 

“What?”

 

“The person who gave her the illness. It was her babysitter. She had been sick for days but chose not to say anything to not miss any work days.” Javier sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “It was so irresponsible of her, to not care whether or not she was around the baby while sick. I had to fire here, and now I have to find someone new. I have some time until Kika’s out of the hospital to hire someone, but it scares me to think my daughter could’ve died just because someone didn’t call in sick. There’s not many people I can count on here in Canada, and to think the person I trusted and payed to take care of Kika almost left me without a daughter to love and care for, it’s just...”

 

Yuzuru got up, walked around Kika, and hugged Javier tightly.

 

“Cry, Javi. It okay to cry. I here. I help with Kika-chan. Always.”

 

Javier softly sobbed against Yuzuru’s stomach, as he rubbed his back and muttered soft words Javier couldn’t understand.

 

“I promise Javi I never go away. I always with Javi and Kika-chan. Until Javi no wants me here more.”

 


	9. October 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biggest writer's block in history.  
> Yeeting this out to try and get rid of it, sorry it's shorter than usual.
> 
> Hope you like it!!

Yuzu looked down to where Kika was sleeping in front of him. She looked so beautiful and peaceful.

 

Her fits had died down a lot, and the doctor had told him that morning that they were actually surprised she was doing so great so quickly, even if hers was a mild case of pertussis, thanks to the fact that Javier had reacted quickly and gotten her to the hospital early on, and that she was vaccinated. 

 

The nurse in charge of checking how she was doing a couple of times a day had told him that Kika’s case was considered mild.

 

As Yuzuru remembered the way her heart rate would plummet and her little face would turn blue, and the way he was beyond terrified, praying to any deity out there to help her through it, it sounded crazy that the doctors didn’t think her case was grave. His heart went to the parents that had to watch their infants go through something even worse than this. 

 

A whine took him out of his cavilations, and he realised Kika was waking up. Her sleepy eyes instantly focused on him and she smiled widely.

 

_ “Hello, Kika-chan. Good morning!” _ She babbled a little, lifting her hands and he gave him both his pointer fingers for her to play with.  _ “How are you today, little sunshine? Ready to watch daddy skate on the TV in the afternoon?”  _ She squealed and babbled some more, answering, and made him smile widely.  _ “Of course you are, you have been such a good girl for me yesterday. Javi is the luckiest dad in the world, getting a baby as sweet as you.” _ He tugged one finger away from her grasp and caressed her chubby cheek with the back of his hand, feeling the soft skin under his touch.  _ “Do you want to have breakfast? I think we can call the nurse and get you some milk, don’t you agree?” _

 

He didn’t even need to press the call button. As he finished talking, both the doctor and a nurse came in and greeted him. They checked on Kika, poking and prodding and making her giggle as they carefully listened to her breathing.

 

“I think we can start her on solids again, now that she’s doing much better. I think some apple puree would be fine for now, and then we can start introducing heavier things.” He turned to Yuzuru. “Do you want to feed her?”

 

Yuzuru’s eyes widened. 

 

His mother entering the room saved him.

 

“He can do it. I help.” Yuzuru looked at his mother. Him? Feed Kika? What if he did it wrong and hurt her somehow?

 

Both the doctor and nurse left, as they promised someone would bring them Kika’s food soon, and Yuzuru instantly turned to his mum, who was getting clothes out of a bag.

 

_ “Mum! I can’t feed Kika! I’ve never fed a baby, what if I do it wrong?” _

 

_ “Yuzu-kun, the only way of not feeding a baby right is by putting food anywhere but in their mouth.”  _ She smiled at him, and ruffled his hair. _ “Don’t worry, I raised two babies, I’ll teach you how so you can take care of your baby on your own. Now, go get changed into the fresh clothes I brought you, freshen up a little, and then we’ll feed Kika-chan.” _

 

Yuzuru just gave Kika’s cheek one last stroke, poking her nose and making her giggle, got up, grabbed his clothes and left for the bathroom.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier sat on his bedroom after the short program, smiling like an idiot at his phone as Brian talked in the background.

 

“Javi.” A whack on the shoulder made him look up. “Did you even listen to a word I just said?”

 

“Sorry.” He gave Brian his phone, and after one look at the screen, Brian softened. “She’s back to eating solids. Yuzu says she’s doing much better and the doctors are talking about discharging her soon.”

 

Yumi had sent Javier two pictures from Yuzuru’s phone, the first was a wide-eyed Yuzuru trying to spoon feed a smiley Kika some puree, and the second one was Yuzuru sitting on an armchair in front of the TV, that was currently showing the Ice Dance’s Short Dance. In his lap was Kika, asleep with her mouth open, chubby cheek adorably squished against his chest as he combed her dark hair away from her face with a tender smile, clearly smitten by the tiny human he was holding.

 

Javier bit his lip. 

 

Yuzuru holding Kika was making it harder to ignore his developing feelings.

  
  
  
  
  


_ “Kika-chaaan!!! _ ” Yuzuru exclaimed dramatically as he entered her room, making her instantly lighten up and squirm in Yumi’s arms as she made grabby hands at Yuzuru, who instantly dropped his bag and took her away from his mother’s arms, loudly kissing her cheek and inhaling her sweet baby smell. _ “Did you miss me? I missed you a lot! Ghislain laughed at how fast I got off the ice once practice was over, but I wanted to come back here and play with my favourite girl!!” _ The excitement in his voice made Kika all giggly and precious, and he melted as he watched her smile, holding her tighter against his body. He raised an eyebrow at his mother’s expression.  _ “What is it, mum?” _

 

_ “You’re so great with her, no one would know you’d never been around babies before you met Javier and Kika-chan. And she obviously loves you a lot as well.”  _ Kika was currently playing with one of his bracelets, but looked up when they went silent, instantly smiling widely at him.  _ “It’s like you were born to be a father, it’s instinctual to you, like skating.” _

 

_ “Mum! That’s not true! Also, Kika-chan already has a father, and a great one at that.” _

 

_ “I know, Yuzu-kun. It was just a comment. Come on, sit down and get comfortable, you have about half an hour until the Free Skate begins.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“CONGRATULATIONS ON GOLD MEDAL JAVI!!!!”

  
  


A picture of both Yuzuru and Kika smiling widely was waiting for Javier the second he stepped off the ice. 

 

He looked at their happy faces, the face of the friend that had become everything in months, and the daughter he never thought he’d have this soon but that had made his life a thousand times better, and made his decision.

 

He looked at Brian straight in the eyes.

 

Brian sighed and nodded.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru smiled when he heard the message notification, but frowned when he read the content.

  
  


“Keep off the internet. I'll be there monday morning. Watch the gala if you want. I’m sorry for not giving a heads up.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. October/ November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over a month without an update. I'm terribly sorry. 
> 
> I've been trying to write for over two weeks but it just wasn't coming out, I'm sorry I made you wait for so long, and you're only getting this short, crappy chapter.
> 
> This is not proof-read, bc it's 6AM and if I try to go over it and edit it, I'll end up with half this thing in the rubbish bin and having to write it all over again.
> 
> Okay, rant over.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: I forgot the translations, so I just added them at the end, lol. Sorry!!

 

“Javi, are you sure? You know you don’t have to do this, you could wait until Grand Prix Series is over, at least, we’d all support you and help you figure things out.”

 

“I can’t do this any longer. This needs to happen now, Brian. I’m thankful for all the help and support you’ve given me since I asked you to be my coach and specially since I got Kika, but I need to. It won’t work.”

 

Brian bit his lip, but nodded solemnly, and sighed.

 

“Okay, if you’re sure this is what you want. I’ll get the Spanish Federation on the phone so you can let them know and they can help you with the press release.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

Deep breath.

 

He closed his eyes.

 

“Are you ready?” He nodded. “Great. Remember, you’ve got this. I’ll be here for you okay?” Another nod. “Let’s go.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

“Yuzu...” Yuzuru startled awake, sitting up from where he had fallen asleep, bent forward, his upper body resting against Kika’s mattress. He quickly looked down to check on her, and smiled a little when he saw her sleeping peacefully. He looked up to see Tracy standing over him, face serious. “I think you need to see this.” He passed him her phone, and he quickly got paler as he read what was on the screen.

 

“Why he say that now? Why no wait?”

 

“I don’t know, but I think we’ll need to prepare ourselves for what’s coming.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Javier sighed tiredly, closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. The last two days had been a media nightmare. He had spent the entire time hiding from reporters, trying to get through the gala and then back to the hotel as quickly as he could, with the least amount of social contact he could manage. It had not been easy, at all.

 

He opened his eyes, and pushed the door to the room open, all his worries and stress instantly melting as he took in the scene in front of him.

 

Yumi smiled at him from the couch in the corner as she knitted something, and he smiled back, before looking back at the bed.

 

Yuzuru was laying flat on his back, eyes closed and face relaxed, and Kika was lying on top of him, her small body draped over his chest, little face resting against his neck, and sleeping soundly, soft puffs of air leaving her parted lips. Her hands here firmly grabbing the fabric of Yuzuru’s shirt, which made his heart pang in happiness.  Yuzuru and Kika looked so natural in that position, the similar hair colour only helping them blend even better, and paint an ever sweeter picture to Javier’s eyes.

 

He couldn’t help but take his phone out and snap a picture of them in that position.

 

The shutter sound must’ve awoken Yuzuru, who opened his eyes, blinking away the sleepy confusion, the hand resting on Kika’s back centering even more, holding her even more securely against him, and looking around disoriented until he saw Javier standing right in front of him, and his face light up completely. He smiled widely, eyes disappearing, and raised his free hand to Kika’s cheek.

 

_ “Kika-chan! Wake up, baby! I have a surprise for you! _ ” He rubbed her small chubby cheek with his fingers, and the baby whined, opening her eyes slowly and zeroing her sight on him, giving him a wide smile. “ _ Hi, baby! How did you sleep? _ ” He brushed her little curls back, giving her forehead a kiss.  _ “Look! I have something for you! Look who’s back!” _ He sat up, holding her in his arms as he did, and turned her around in his arms, and that’s when Kika discovered Javier.

 

She started squealing loudly, twisting in Yuzuru’s arms and making grabby hands at Javier, who instantly took the few steps left and lifted him into his arms, hugging her close as she continued squealing and whining, grabbing at his clothes and patting her little hands against his arms.

 

“Hola preciosa, ¿cómo está la niña más hermosa del planeta?” He looked down to see her staring at his face, and caressed her little cheeks as her lower lip started quivering and she started crying. “Ay, hija, no llores, por favor, me rompes el corazón. Ya, ya, estoy aquí, estoy contigo. Prometo hacer todo lo posible porque no nos volvamos a separar. Lo prometo. Te amo, mi flor.”

Kika continued sobbing as she hugged Javier, and Yuzuru looked at him with shiny eyes as well, touched at how sweet the father and daughter duo looked clinging to each other, reunited after being apart for a few days. 

 

In Yuzuru’s mind, it was understandable that Kika was upset. She had been away from his father only two times before, and this time, she was still being prodded by doctors and nurses and in a place that wasn’t her home. Yuzuru might’ve been with her for as long as he could, with Yumi taking care of her while he was practising, and Tracy kicking both of them out in the evening so they could go rest. Yuzuru was pretty sure his back would never be the same after all the time he had spent the past weeks hunching over his school work on the hard hospital floor, but he didn’t regret a thing. 

 

He’d only known Javier for a few month, and Kika for even less time, but they were already a really important part of his life. Javier had become the best friend he’d never had before, and Kika was just… on a different level of love. He adored the little girl and would do anything if it meant she was safe, and healthy and happy. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

“How was she? Everything okay? What did the doctor say today?”

 

Kika was sleeping as she burrowed into her father’s embrace, Javier’s hand going up and down her back, caressing her with rhythmic motions to keep her asleep, not that she needed it. Her sobbing fit had tired her out and Yuzuru was pretty sure she’d stay asleep for the night.

 

“Right! Kika-chan doctor say she really good!! She only cough three or four times all week! He say she can leave in couple day!” Javier’s smile was blinding.

 

“That’s great! I’m so happy!” He leant down and kissed Kika’s little head. “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti, preciosa. Mi pequeña luchadora.” Yuzuru didn’t understand Spanish at all, but he swore he could understand Javier’s words in that moment. Javier distilled proudness as he stared at his daughter.

 

_ “Yuzuru, we need to get going. You have to sleep, you have early morning training tomorrow.”  _ Yumi said, poking her head inside the room, as she was sitting in the hallway, talking to Brian.

 

_ “Okay, give me a minute”  _ He turned around to face Javier. “I need to go. Tomorrow early training, need sleeping.”

 

“Oh, right, it IS really late.” Javier smiled at him. “Thank you Yuzuru. I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am that you and your mum stayed by Kika’s side. It made me feel completely reassured someone I trust was taking care of her. Thank you.”

 

“Silly Javi, I love Kika-chan. I stay with her in second, no need to ask. She so pretty and good. I happy to be with.” He got up from the chair, and walked to the bed, leaning down to kiss Kika’s plump cheek. “Goodnight Kika-chan”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Yuzuru finished practice with a sigh. Finally. He was exhausted, he didn’t know why, but his lungs were giving him a hard time that day.

 

“You okay, Yuzu?” He nodded, and Brian patted his shoulder. “Great, go cool down and we’ll see each other tomorrow.”

 

“Yes. Bye Brian!”

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

He smiled when he saw Javier sitting in front of Kika, feeding her and keeping a running monologue in Spanish as the baby munched on her pureé and smiled at him.

 

“Hi Javi! Hi Kika-chan!”

 

“Hi Yuzu! How was practice?” Javier gave another spoonful of food to Kika, who instantly ate it, smiling all the while. 

 

“I really tired, but good. It slow today.” He sat next to Kika on the bed, booping her nose and making her giggle. “How Kika-chan? Cough today?”

 

“Only once so far.” Javier announced proudly, cleaning the small amount of food Kika had managed to smear on her chin instead of her mouth. “She’s doing great, I’m really happy to see how much better she’s gotten while I was not here.”

 

Yuzuru caressed Kika’s cute little feet, making her laugh when it tickled.

 

_ “Giggly baby, aren’t you? I’m so happy you’re healthy. Your dad is sacrificing so much for you, I hope I can be such a great father for my future children as he is for you, Kika--chan. He loves you more than life itself.” _

 

“I really need to learn Japanese by the time she starts talking or you two will drive me insane by having secret conversations, I’m sure” Yuzuru looked up, eyes wide, seeing Javier’s easy smile, and couldn’t stop his heart from doing a quad Sal inside his chest as he thought of how Javier was so sure they would be around Yuzuru long enough for Kika to learn Japanese and talk to Yuzuru. He smiled.

 

“You learn Japanese, I learn English, yes?”

 

“You should learn Spanish instead, but yeah, sure. We’ll have you speaking perfect English in no time.”

 

Yuzuru giggled. Javier was reaaaaally underestimating his ability to not learn any languages he was presented with by a lot.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Why Javi do it?”

 

They were sitting outside, getting some fresh air as Kika’s doctor proceeded to do  the nightly check-up, knees touching as they stared at the people walking around in the cold Toronto night.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Why Javi do it? You know what… Why now? Why no wait season over?”

 

Javier sighed, running his fingers through his hair, and the smiling softly at Yuzuru.

 

“Because I needed to do it now. I couldn’t wait. Season is not even halfway done and I already know I can’t do it. I couldn't go on this way any longer. It’s too much.” He looked down at his hands. “It’s going to be rough. I don’t really know how to go on now, everything’s changed, I’ll probably have no sponsors to cover expenses, and I’ll need to get a job to get money, but it’s worth it.” Yuzuru tilted his head as Javier spoke, staring at the way his friend’s eyes filled with tears. “While I was competing, I realised skating will never be more important than Kika. Nothing will ever be more important than her, ever. And if I have to make sacrifices to be with her, and to keep her by my side and happy and taken care of, then so be it. I can do it. I will do it.”

 

Yuzuru tugged at Javier’s hand, lacing their fingers and grasping it tightly.

 

“I always help, Javi. You and Kika-chan are only real friends I have. I be here for you. I don’t care.”

 

Javier smiled, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

 

“I’m so thankful you came into our lives, Yuzuru.”

 

“C’mon, go inside? Doctor be done with Kika-chan now.”

 

Javier nodded, letting go of Yuzuru’s hand, and quickly drying his tears.

 

They walked inside leasuredly, and got back to Kika’s room just as the doctor was coming out.

 

“Oh, Mr Fernandez.” The doctor said with a gentle smile. “I was going to come later to give you the news, but I guess I’ll do it now while the nurse is still with Alhelí.” The doctor gave Javier some forms, and Javier paled, before going wide-eyed as he read their content.

 

“Is it… Is this… is it?” Javier said, voice cracking, and Yuzuru suddenly got nervous.

 

“It is.” The doctor’s smile widened. “Your daughter’s illness has been controlled, and we’ve deemed her completely out of danger. You should avoid any big moves for a couple weeks, but after that, she can go back to being a normal child.” Yuzuru tried to follow the conversation, translating all he could in his head, but still frowned a little and tilted his head when he lost bits and pieces of speech. The doctor saw it, and made a simple statement. “She will be discharged tomorrow. If you sign the discharge forms you’re holding tonight, You can take your daughter back home tomorrow morning.”

 

Yuzuru gasped, covering his mouth with his hand, and Javier nodded, eyes tearing up once again, this time from joy.

 

“Thank you doctor.” The doctor nodded, and left them alone. Javier turned to Yuzuru. “I can take my baby home. Yuzu, she’s finally okay.”

 

Yuzuru hugged Javier tightly.

 

Even if things were still shaky, and Javier’s world had suddenly been shifted around after his press release, things would be okay.

 

Yuzuru vowed Javier would get through this. And Yuzuru would be by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hola preciosa, ¿cómo está la niña más hermosa del planeta? Ay, hija, no llores, por favor, me rompes el corazón. Ya, ya, estoy aquí, estoy contigo. Prometo hacer todo lo posible porque no nos volvamos a separar. Lo prometo. Te amo, mi flor.”: Hi gorgeous, how's the most beautiful girl in the planet doing? Oh, baby, don't cry, you're breaking my heart. There, there, I'm here, I'm with you. I promise to do all I can so we won't have to separate again. I promise. I love you, my flower.
> 
>  
> 
> “Estoy tan orgulloso de ti, preciosa. Mi pequeña luchadora.”: I'm to proud of you, gorgeous. My little fighter.


	11. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! Look!! New chapter, and it hasn't been a month!!
> 
> Tbh, this chapter came out of nowhere, I was working on a completely different thing, and opened babies just to take a break... and it just sort of happened.
> 
> You know the drill, spell-check who, and editing MIA.
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> Happy reading and I'll see you when I see you!

_ Someone is waiting for you at home _

  
  
  


Javier smiled widely when he read the text message, as the nurse finished Kika’s last check-up before she was allowed to leave the hospital for good. 

 

“Okay, I think we’re done. She looks great, you can take her home now. Just remember to schedule an appointment for next week, so the doctor can monitor her progress now she’s no longer going to be here.” The nurse told Javier, and then smiled at Kika. “And you, young lady, you are extremely cute and well behaved, but I seriously hope I won’t be seeing you again any time soon, at least not here.”

 

“Thank you so much.” Javier said, lifting Kika into his arms smiling widely when she started babbling happily.

 

“It’s been a pleasure.”

 

Brian patted Javier in the back, grabbing his bags.

 

“Do we have everything?” Javier looked around, inspecting the hospital room one last time to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything, and nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

 

The ride back home felt better than any gold medal could ever feel. He sat in the backseat, next to Kika, who hadn’t stopped babbling at all as she was strapped into her carseat, and kept looking at him, as if trying to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“Okay, we’re here.” He looked up to see Brian was parking in front of their house.

 

Together, they grabbed Kika and all their things and made their way to the door. Brian, who had taken an hour long break from that day’s sessions to drive them home, put the bags down, and smiled regretfully.

 

“Well, I’ll leave you two to rest at home, I have to go back to torture Nam for a while. I hope to see you in the next couple of days, Javi.”

 

“Yeah, thanks for everything Brian, I mean it. I couldn’t have done this without you. You and Tracy went over what you needed to do as my coaches and I’ll forever be grateful.”

 

“It was what we had to do, nothing more and nothing less. Well, I better go. Bye Li!” Brian shook Kika’s little hand, making her smile. “Bye Javi.”

 

“Bye Brian, thanks for the ride!”

 

Javier turned towards the door, fishing his key out and unlocking the door, pushing the two bags inside with his foot as to not have to go back outside. He closed the door, and almost had a heart attack as he turned around.

 

“Hi Javi!”

 

Yuzuru was standing in the middle of the living room, Effie cuddled up in his arms as he scratched her head. 

 

“Yuzu! You scared me! What are you doing here?”

 

“Nam had cat to bring to Javi home, but he had ice time. I done with training for today. So Nam give me cat and key so I can bring home.”

 

_ ‘That little shit. That’s what he meant when he said someone was waiting for me at home. He didn’t mean Effie. He meant Yuzu.’ _

 

“Well, I’m happy you’re here. Are you staying for dinner?” Yuzuru nodded, smiling widely. “Great, we can have takeaway, from that healthy place you liked last time.” He bounced Kika up and down as he talked, making her squeal with joy.

 

“So, how about change? Baby for cat, yes?”

 

Javier barked  out a laughter as Yuzuru put Effie down on the sofa and held out his hands, Kika instantly leaning forward to go with him.

 

“That is cheating. You’re using my own words against me.” Kika whined when she realised she was not getting anywhere closer to Yuzuru, even as she moved around. “Ya, vale, ya entendí, quieres ir con Yuzu. De acuerdo.” He handed Yuzuru the baby, biting his lip as he saw the heart eyes they had for each other. “I think my daughter likes you more than she likes me.”

 

“Silly Javi” Yuzuru said, sitting down on the sofa and playing with Kika’s hands. “You her dad, I just Yuzu.” 

 

_ ‘But you’re our Yuzu’  _

 

Javier mentally scolded himself the second that thought crossed his mind 

 

_ ‘Shut up Fernandez, he’s just a kid. Just a kid. Stop being an idiot.’ _

  
  
  
  


“Javi.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What you do about babysitter? Have one new?”

 

Javier sighed and looked at Yuzuru, who was currently curled around a pillow as they both sat on the floor of Kika’s room, watching her nap.

 

“I don’t, and I don’t really know where to find one or how to actually trust someone I don’t know again.”

 

“I have idea.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Yuzuru looked at him with warm eyes.

 

“Mum say she take care of Kika when you training.”

 

“Yuzu…” Javier took a deep breath. “I can’t possibly make your mum take care of my daughter for hours on end, it wouldn’t be right.”

 

“Javi… Mum gets bored during the day. She take care of skating work things, and clean house, but then have nothing to do.” Yuzuru smiled at him. “She say she be happy to have Kika with her so she’s not alone. I think mum already love Kika so much from hospital.”

 

Javier closed his eyes, deeply moved.

 

It looked like the Hanyu family had decided to make themselves a permanent part of their life. And Javier didn’t want to stop them from doing so.

 

“Javi okay?”

 

“Javi okay.” He nodded, trying to keep himself from crying. “I just… thank you so much. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for all you’ve done for us.” Javier looked at where his daughter was sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his face. “When she first came into my life, I was so scared. I was terrified. I was 20 years old and I had suddenly gone from a carefree, young figure skater, to a full time father that was supposed to take care of a newborn when he had never really been around a baby in his life, and somehow train for Worlds. Well… you saw how that went.” Yuzuru bit his lip, as Javier laughed a little. “I had a panic attack before the free, you know?” Yuzuru’s eyes widened. “Yeah, we couldn’t contact Tracy, and I somehow managed to work myself up with the mere thought of something happening to my daughter while I wasn’t there. I convinced myself I was the worst father ever, leaving her with Tracy when she was not even a month old, to go to France to skate. It was disastrous. We only managed to get in contact with Tracy five minutes before it was my turn to skate.” 

 

“Oh, Javi....”

 

“Then I left her alone, and she got so ill, she had to spend a month in the hospital. Luckily you were there the third time I had to go away, so I knew she was in safe hands. I know she’s safe if she stays with Tracy, but I guess what her old babysitter did has left me traumatised, and I can’t really trust new people with her that easily now. I almost lost her, Yuzu. She almost died.”

 

“She okay now, Javi. And we take care of Kika-chan and she be okay always now. We always with her.”

 

“That’s exactly why I did it. So I can always be with her. Now I can spend all my time with her and not feel guilty about having to leave her behind.” 

 

Yuzuru stared at him, smiling gently and warmly.

 

“You really brave Javi. I proud of you and be your friend.”

 

“Thanks Yuzu. I’m happy you’re my friend as well.”

They looked at each other, a comfortable silence surrounding them, making the air pulse with something neither of them could really understand. They couldn’t look away.

 

Soft whines broke the spell. 

 

Yuzuru looked away, and got up to go get Kika. Javier also moved, but towards his bedroom, to get a big white bag he had left abandoned inside his closet for weeks.

 

When he found Kika's room empty, he went back to the living room where he found Yuzuru sitting on the sofa, rocking a sleepy looking, barely awake Kika.

 

“Ey, princesa, quieres ver el regalo que el Tío Yuzu te consiguió en Finlandia?” Kika looked at him, a confused expression adorning her little face. “Mira! Es para ti!”

 

Javier took the Pooh plushie out of the bag, and Yuzuru laughed.

 

“Pooh! You have it!”

 

“Of course I do! I didn’t get to give it to her before everything happened, so she gets it now.” Javier walked closer to the pair, and handed Kika the yellow plushie, laughing. “Look at that! It’s as big as her!”

 

_ “This is Pooh-kun, Kika-chan! It’s my favourite thing in the whole world! After you, of course!”  _ He saw the way she kept her eyes glued to her new friend, face full of wonder as her chubby little fingers buried themselves in the yellow fabric. _ “I hope he’ll be your friend and be there for you always, as Pooh-San is there for me when I need him.” _

 

Yuzuru looked up, smiling at Javier.

 

“Hey, Yuzu, can you take a picture of Kika and I with the Pooh? She looks so cute with it”

 

“Yes! Give me phone!”

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Hello Javier.”

 

“Good morning, Ms. Hanyu. Thank you so much for doing this, seriously. I don’t know how to repay you.”

 

Ms. Hany smiled, shaking her head.

 

“I lonely when Yuzuru not here, Kika-chan will keep me busy so I don’t bore.”

 

Javier smiled, leaning down to kiss his daughter’s cheek. She smiled at him and hugged her Pooh closer to her side.

 

“Adios princesa, portate bien y volveré antes de que tengas tiempo de extrañarme.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Okay gentleman, NHK is in less than a month. Go warm up and then we’ll start working. Yuzu, you’re with Tracy today. Javi, you’re with me. We need to polish your free if you want a chance at hitting all your levels. C’mon, off you go.”

 

Yuzuru looked at Javier as they both took off their skate guards.

 

“We can do it. Podium in NHK.” He said, conviction in his voice. Javier smiled, offering Yuzuru a high five, making him smile.

 

“We can do it. Grand Prix Final, here we come.” 

 

The smiled at each other, and then hurriedly began to warm up as Brian scolded them for wasting time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 **javierfernandezskater**  
  
[PICTURE: Javier sits on the sofa, grinning tenderly and holding a smiling Kika, helping her stand on his legs as she holds her Pooh plushie out to the person behind the camera. Outside the window behind the sofa, bits of brown from the garden can be seen, bathed in golden light as the sun sets.]  
  
 **javierfernandezskater** Thank you so much for all the support I’ve received the past few days. I want to introduce you, now formally, to the most important person in my life: My daughter Kika. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m forever grateful she came into my life, and has made me grow so much as a person as we learn to live life together.   
  
  
  
Liked by **Shaykippers** and 206 others  
  


**SkatingNotes** awww so cute! Her hair looks just like javi's

 

**camerashy443** isn’t it suspicious that she looks like that and she’s holding a pooh? 

 

**Rosaliaore** really, that kid has the best genes ever

 

**Shaykippers** What a sweet picture! It looks like she loves Pooh, I wonder if her love for it will rival Yuzuru’s!

 

**serioustoasted** is no one going to say anything about how he lied for months and didn’t tell anyone about                              her? I mean, why did he hide her in first place? Also, where’s the mother? There’s no way a                              single man can raise a child without a mother, and what is he going to do about competitions?

 

                       **Acridawkward** he should just retire, i was disappointed when his press               

                       release was about a secret kid, and not about how he was going to retire,             

                       tbh

 

**ala_javi** Oh por dios, esto es lo más tierno que he visto! Todavía no puedo creer que Javi tenga una hija.

 

**Twilightvanillagalaxies** :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: 

 

**View all 158 comments**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ya, vale, ya entendí, quieres ir con Yuzu. De acuerdo.”: Yeah, okay, I got it, you want to go to Yuzu, okay.
> 
> “Ey, princesa, quieres ver el regalo que el Tío Yuzu te consiguió en Finlandia? Mira, es para ti!”: Hey, Princess, want to see the present Uncle Yuzu got you in Finland? Look, it's for you!
> 
> “Adios princesa, portate bien y volveré antes de que tengas tiempo de extrañarme.”: Bye, Princess, behave, and I'll be back before you even begin to miss me.


	12. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Hello!! How are you beautiful people doing today??
> 
> I bring you this chapter that got completely out of control in no time.  
> This was supposed to be 1.3k words of them leaving for NHK and it sort of ended up being 3.4k of... whatever this is lol.
> 
> Oh well, here you go anyway.
> 
> Happy reading!!

Javier grunted as his left side hit the ice. He just turned around and lay on his back, arm over his eyes as he cursed in Spanish. He heard the blades stop near his body and removed his arm from over his eyes to see Yuzuru leaning over him, hand extended to help him get up.

 

"Javi okay?" Javier nodded, and took the offered hand to help back onto his feet.

 

"Yeah, I'm fine, just... damn quad toe hates me today for some reason." He forced a smile, and Yuzu bit his lip, tightening his grip around the hand he was still holding, trying to offer his friend some comfort.

 

He smiled gently, and let go of Javier's hand, skating back to where Tracy was waiting for him to keep working on his edges.

 

Javier rubbed his left hip as he made his way over to Ghislain, who patted him on the shoulder.

 

"Your axis was way off, Javi, you're tilting too much in the air and that's what's throwing you off and keeping you from landing the jump cleanly." Ghislain offered.

 

"Landing the jump at all, you mean. That was crap. All my jumps are crap." Javier's breathing started to pick up pace, making Ghislain look to the side and catch someone's attention." I'm going to place last and I can forget about my career, I won't have prize money, or sponsorships and Kika and I will end up living under a bridge and..." He was starting to hyperventilate.

 

"Hey, Javi, Javi! C'mon, focus on me!" He snapped out of his own head to find Brian standing in front of him. "It's okay, it's going to be okay. You're a great skater, you're going to be just fine, and even if you're not, that's not going to make everything you've worked towards achieving for so many years go to waste because of one competition." Brian rubbed Javier's shoulder, trying to calm him down. "It's okay, breathe."

 

Javier nodded, lifting his shirt and using it to dry his face, wet with a mixture of sweat and tears.

 

"I know, thank you. I don't know what happened there. I was just... off. I've been feeling off all day. I don't understand what's wrong with me."

 

Brian and Ghislain looked at each other.

 

"Okay, I think it's enough practice for today. Javi, I want you to head home and relax for a while, go play with Li, pet your cat, whatever you need to do to just relax and be at peace."

 

"But training..." Javier tried to protest, but Brian interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

 

"You only have 15 minutes left, it's okay, we'll work nicely tomorrow and it'll even out. C'mon, off you go." He turned to Tracy, nodded at her and he raised a thumb. "Go take a shower, and get your things."

 

Javier's shoulders were tense with exhaustion, but he smiled.

 

"Thanks Brian."

 

"Nonsense. Off you go."

  
  
  
  
  
  


When he got out of the dressing room, he found Yuzuru sitting on the floor, patiently waiting for him as he played with the Pooh keychain on his bag.

 

"Javi ready?" Javier nodded, confused.

 

"Yeah, but, don't you still have training?"

 

"I leave early today! Tracy say I good so I go with Javi." He offered Javier a big smile, making him want to squish his cheeks at how cute it made him look.

 

"Well, in that case, let's go, the train waits for no one." Yuzuru laughed at that, but got up, grabbed his things and headed out.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier fished his keys out of his pocket, fighting as they got tangled with the fabric of his joggers.

 

"I'll just drop my bags and then we can go."

 

"No, stay." Yuzuru said, shocking him. "You go get food ready, or buy, and sit. I go home, leave skate things and get Kika-Chan."

 

Javier's eyes softened at Yuzuru's words.

 

"Yuzu...it's okay, we can go together, I'm not that tired."

 

"No, Javi really tired. I see Javi from other side of rink. You look like asthma attack but from bad idea, yes?" Javier grinned slightly at Yuzuru's description of a panic attack.

 

"Yeah."

 

"When I get attack I so tired. So now Javi go rest and I go home, shower and get Kika-Chan." Yuzuru smiled and jokingly pushed him. "Go, go! I come back!"

 

Javier raised his hands in defeat, before picking his skating bag back up and walking to the door. He turned around to see Yuzuru was still standing in the middle of the pavement, watching him.

 

"Go, go!" He made a shooing motion with his hand, which made Javier laugh and nod, opening the door and going inside the house.

 

He dropped both his bags and took off his shoes, tossing his keys inside the plate he had placed right next to the door so he wouldn't lose them, and sighing in relief.

 

He took off his winter coat, hanging it on the rack before heading further inside the house.

 

"Effie?" He called out, but the cat was nowhere to be seen. "Effie?" He peeked into the living room, and smiled when he found her sleeping on top of a cushion. "Hola gatita, cómo estás?" He picked her up, and she blinked sleepily at him before headbutting his chest for pets."Qué tal tu día? Dormiste en mi cama como sabes que no tienes permitido dormir?" Effie simply purred. He kissed her head and put her down on the sofa, going to the kitchen and grabbing the pizza place menu.

 

Javier hesitated for a second, before shrugging, one night off their diet was going to hurt no one, and took his phone out of his pocket, placing an order before opening the refrigerator and taking out a big bottle of sparkling water. He poured himself a glass before going back to the living room and throwing himself onto the armchair, a hiss of pain leaving his lips as his left side came into contact with the soft material of the cushions. Effie quickly jumped onto his lap, begging for more pets, which he instantly gave her, scratching his fingers through her soft fur.

 

He sat there for what felt like both hours and mere minutes, just staring at nothing, when the notification sound of his phone alerted him of a new message.

  
  


**We almost there! =D =D**

  
  


**Ok, I'll be right there to open the door**

  
  
  


Javier petted Effie one last time, before getting up and putting her down. He ruffled his hair and walked to the door, opening it to peak outside and see if Yuzuru and Kika were indeed close to home.

 

He smiled the second he saw them.

 

Yuzuru, backpack in place and baby bag hanging from his shoulder, was carrying an extremely bundled-up Kika, and kept talking animatedly to her in Japanese. Kika kept squealing and babbling back, making it seem like a completely rational conversation to anyone that didn't speak Japanese... or baby babble.

  
  


_'Oh god. They look so nice together. They fit together perfectly. How can I survive this?"_

  
  


Yuzuru looked up, saw him standing in the porch, and smiled widely at him. He bend to tell Kika something, and laughed when she babbled back.

 

"Javi!!" Yuzuru said as he walked the last few steps towards him. _"Kika- Chan, look! It's Papa!"_

 

Kika frowned at Yuzuru, but instantly smiled when he turned her around to drop her into Javier's arms.

 

"Hola preciosa! Cómo has estado? Me extrañaste?" Javier kissed her chubby cheeks, stepping inside. "Papá te ha extrañado horrores. No podía esperar verte. Cómo te has portado? No has hecho trastadas?" Kika was still smiling excitedly, patting his cheeks as he spoke. "Me alegro, mi flor. La cosa más bella que tengo." He booped her nose with his, making her squeal with laughter, but their talk was interrupted by the doorbell.

 

"Oh, it's the delivery guy. Can you..."

 

"I go, is okay!" Yuzuru nodded, taking out his wallet and walking to the door. "You go change Kika-Chan."

 

Javier nodded, moving towards the corridor that led to the bedrooms, entering Kika's room and quickly choosing a little teddy bear patterned fluffy onesie, laying it on the changing table and making sure to have all her diaper change necessities at hand.

 

He undressed Kika swiftly, with practiced ease, changed her diaper and dressed her with the onesie, cooing at how precious she looked dressed like a little bear.

 

"Luces hermosa, pequeña. Adorable, Yuzu va a derretirse en cuanto te vea."

 

He kissed her head, picking her up and carrying her to the dining room, where Yuzuru was done setting the table, the smell of freshly made pizza filling the air.

 

Yuzuru smiled at him as he set the last napkin on the table.

 

 _"Hi Kika-Chan! Oh, you look so cute! So, so cute!_ " He rushed to Javier's side, gushing over Kika, stealing her from her father's arms and carrying her to his side of the table where her swing was placed. He bent down and secured her in the seat, giving her a bunch of colourful,rattling plastic keys to keep her entertained.

 

Javier just followed them with his sight, his lips adorned by a soft smile that seemed ever present when he was with both of them.

 

Once Yuzuru was sure Kika was safe and correctly strapped on her swing, and that she wouldn't fall or roll out of the seat, he stood back up and smiled, sitting down.

 

"What Javi choose for dinner?"

 

"Pizza." Yuzuru scoffed and rolled his eyes.

 

"Silly Javi, I see pizza. What pizza?" He lifted the lid and his eyes widened, shining with happiness. "Sea thing!"

 

Javier laughed.

 

"It's seafood, Yuzu, not sea thing."

 

"Yes, yes, it yummy, sit! I want eat!"

 

Javier sat, not being brave enough to risk angering Yuzuru by denying him food. He had stood between Yuzuru and a box of pocky once in the past and that had been terrifying enough for him to never try again.

 

Yuzuru took his plate, setting a slice of the pizza on it and handing it to Javier, who took it and instantly bit into it. Yuzuru followed his example, taking a bit and closing his eyes.

 

Javier almost spat his food right out. The sound of pleasure Yuzuru had emitted after taking that bite had been... too much for him.

 

Yuzuru looked up, questioning.

 

"Javi okay?"

 

Javier nodded.

 

"Yeah, just... too hot." Yuzuru smacked his lips in understanding, and happily took another bite.

  
  


_'Fernandez, you and I know you were NOT talking about the pizza.'_

_'SHUT UP BRAIN!'_

  


Yuzuru kept eating, talking to Kika in japanese every once in a while.

  
  


_'If he keeps doing that, she's going to be talking Japanese better than I speak English in no time.'_

  
  


Between the two of them, the finished the whole pizza, and Javier got up swiftly, stopping Yuzuru before he could grab their plates.

 

"Nuh uh, you set the table, I'll do the dishes." Yuzuru didn't even try to protest, he simply rolled his eyes and grabbed Kika.

 

"Fine. Kika-Chan and me we got play with Effie."

 

He washed everything and cleaned to the noise of Effie's meows, Yuzuru's squeaky laughter and Kika's giggles.

 

Javier couldn't have asked for a better soundtrack.

 

He finished in no time, drying his hands and heading to the living room, sitting on the floor where boy, baby and cat were playing. Or more like, Yuzuru was laughing as Kika hugged a very  bored looking Effie, who had apparently resigned to her faith of being a plushie for the baby.

 

Javier tried to lean over to grab a real plushie for Kika to play with so she would stop torturing the poor cat, but went rigid and winced instead.

 

“Javi?” Yuzuru asked quietly, concern lacing his voice.

 

“I’m fine just.. That last quad toe did not agree with me.”

 

Yuzuru looked at his side, as if he was magically going to see through Javier’s shirt, and then got up and walked out of Javier’s line of sight. He heard him  open a zipper, fumble with something, and close the zipper, and he was sitting next to Javier in a matter of seconds.

 

“Up.” He ordered, and Javier gave him a puzzled look.

 

“What?” Yuzuru looked exasperated.

 

“Up.” He lifted Javier’s shirt it to reveal his side. “And these down. So I see hip.” He tugged at Javier’s trousers slightly, and Javier gulped. “Javi, down. Hip. Now.”

 

Javier listened and tugged them down until his hip was visible. He looked at Kika to check what she was doing.  She had apparently gotten tired of trying to squish Effie to death and was now simply using her as a pillow as she played with her Pooh and babbled to herself.

 

He jumped as he felt cold fingers touching his skin, instantly regretting it as his hip ached even more.

 

Yuzuru tsked and continued inspecting Javier’s bruised side, running his fingers gently over the skin, pressing at spots, making Javier hold his breath, both from the pain and the confusion over the feeling of Yuzuru’s touch on his side.

 

“I think it just bruise. I now put  cream and tomorrow is okay, yes?” Yuzuru showed him a tube of something. Javier had no chance of knowing what it was, as the label was written in Japanese, but he nodded, and allowed Yuzuru to unscrew the cap and pour a generous amount of whatever the hell that concoction was, before carefully starting to spread it over Javier’s bruise, fingers careful and touch delicate, to avoid making the pain worse.

 

“Done!” Yuzuru said, looking up, meeting Javier’s eyes, and suddenly, neither of them could move.

 

The air felt heavy, as if something was surrounding them but they didn’t know what it was.

 

The spell was broken by Yuzuru’s phone vibrating in his pocket. He jumped from the shock, and quickly took it out, reading the notification.

 

“It my mum. She say go home because it’s late.” Yuzuru explained, flushed, and got up, walking towards Kika and kissing her goodbye. “Javi stay like that until cream no longer feel there, when it be hot not cold.” Yuzuru grabbed his bag and put on his coat. “Bye Javi, see you tomorrow!”

  


Javier was left there, half lying on the floor with his cat, daughter and a Pooh plushie.

 

He didn’t know if he could get up. Yuzuru had told him the cream needed to stop being cold, but Javier had never felt the cold.

 

His skin was burning from Yuzuru’s touch.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"YES!"

 

Javier bent over in relief, resting his hands on his knees and letting out a relieved sigh.

 

"HABIIIIIIII!" He looked up to find Yuzuru skating towards him at full speed, Obviously having just arrived to the rink after cross-training. He opened his arms, laughing out loud as Yuzuru squeezed him tightly around the middle. "PERFECT QUAD TOE! SO PRETTY!"

 

"Thanks Yuzu!" Javier too tightened his arms around Yuzuru for a moment, before letting go. "Now go warm up before you get scolded"

 

"Why Javi train? It too early."

 

"Oh, I have to leave early so Brian moved my ice time to an earlier slot. Kika has a doctor appointment." Yuzuru's mouth fell open.

 

"Kika-Chan okay?"

 

"Yes Yuzu, she's okay. It's just the regular checkup to see if everything is progressing nicely."

 

Yuzuru looked relieved.

 

"Oh, that good. I have much homework today." He pulled a funny face, clearly unhappy at the amount of work that was waiting for him on top of his desk once he was back home. "But Javi call and say what doctor say of Kika-Chan, okay?"

 

"Sure thing." Javier looked up to see both Brian and Tracy sharing exasperated looks. "Now we really need to train before they ask for our heads on a platter."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier played with Kika's hand as they sat on the half empty bus. She smiled at him, and he kissed her forehead gently, breathing in her soft baby scent.

 

He rang the bell as he saw the hospital building coming up, and got off the bus, walking leisurely into the building and to the Nurses' station.

 

"Hello, we're here for an appointment with-" One of the nurses looked up, and smiled as he recognised them.

 

"Oh, hello!" The nurse leant over, grabbing Kika's little hand. "Oh, look at you, you look so nice and healthy!"

 

"She is, she's been doing great."

 

"I'm so happy to hear that. Now, let’s see... yes, here, doctor will see you in a bit, you remember how to get to the office, right?" Javier nodded with a smile, and headed down the corridor on the left, locating the right door, and leaning against the wall in front of it.

 

The doctor came out after a few minutes, saying goodbye to a family as they left, and smiled at them.

 

"Mr Fernandez, nice to see you. Please come in." The doctor led him inside, motioning for him to sit down on the examination couch with Kika. "So, how has she been doing?" The doctor started examining Kika, checking her vitals while she spoke.

 

"She's been doing great, one or two coughs a day, and they don't develop into fits, just some coughing and she starts breathing normally again, almost no whooping at the end of her coughing as well."

 

"That's a great sign, that means her lungs are getting healthier and she's being able to draw oxygen faster."

 

The doctor went on with the examination, explaining everything to Javier and smiling at Kika all the while.

 

Javier found himself sitting in front of the desk with Kika on his lap fiddling with a pen.

 

"Good news is, she seems to be completely healthy. I see no reason why you can't start her on a more active schedule, allowing her more play time and encouraging her to explore and discover."

 

"Oh, that's great!" Javier smiled widely. "I have another question, I have to leave the country for work very often. Would it be okay for a baby like Kika to be taken on long international flies? I just don't really want to leave her here when I know I can take her with me."

 

The doctor thought for a minute before answering.

 

"I see no reason why she can't. But I will have to recommend she doesn't fly until December. An aeroplane's filtered air is really dry and  considering her respiratory system just finished fighting a big infection, I don't think it would be good for her to breathe that air for long periods of time. But in a couple weeks, it would be okay. I'll give you a guide so that you know what precautions to take and what to have handy so that her first flying experience is as nice as we can make it."

 

Javier nodded, accepting the papers the doctor had fished out of a desk drawer.

 

"Thank you so much!"

 

"It was really nice to see you, and I hope we won't be seeing each other until she's at least One year old, for her checkup."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Javier lay in bed with a sigh, closing his eyes for a second. He had just managed to put Kika to sleep. She had been crying loudly and for a while, he couldn't figure out what she needed or wanted. It had been exhausting.

 

He grabbed his phone, hitting number 2 and hoping it wasn’t too late and the other hadn’t gone to sleep already in speed dial and sighed when the call connected and a gentle voice answered.

 

"Hi Javi, Kika-Chan okay?" He  suppressed a smile.

 

"Hi Yuzu. Yes, Kika is finally sleeping after we solved a little miscommunication problem we had going on."

 

"Huh? I don't understand?"

 

"Kika wanted her Pooh-Kun. Pooh was in the living room. I didn't realise. Once she got it, she  fell asleep instantly. It was equal parts frustrating as it was cute." They both laughed. “I’m happy she has Pooh, though. Thank you again for giving her Pooh, it makes her so happy and she loves it so much.”

 

"What doctor say?"

 

"She's healthy." Javier could almost picture Yuzuru's relieved smile. "But she can't fly until December, so NHK is a nono." Javier closed his eyes, relaxing against his pillows. And then, a thought crossed his mind and he sat up alarmed. "Yuzu."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Yuzu, NHK. Your mum is going with us to Japan."

 

"Yes, Javi."

 

"Yuzu, what am I going to do about Kika!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hola gatita, cómo estás?Qué tal tu día? Dormiste en mi cama como sabes que no tienes permitido dormir?" Hi kitty, how are you? How was your day? Did you nap in my bed like you know you’re not allowed to?
> 
>  
> 
> "Hola preciosa! Cómo has estado? Me extrañaste?Papá te ha extrañado horrores. No podía esperar verte. Cómo te has portado? No has hecho trastadas? Me alegro, mi flor. Eres la cosa más bella que tengo." Hi gorgeous! How have you been? Did you miss me? Dad missed you so much. I couldn’t wait to see you. Did you behave? You didn’t do any mischief, did you? I’m glad, my little flower. You’re the most beautiful thing I have.
> 
> "Luces hermosa, pequeña. Adorable, Yuzu va a derretirse en cuanto te vea." You look beautiful, little one. Adorable, Yuzu is going to melt as soon as he sees you


	13. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the chapter I was planning to give you.  
> But I've been stuck with the other one for so long now, I was feeling guilty about not updating, so I wrote this one instead, and made sure it ended right for my next chapter to begin without having to edit it too much.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this thing.
> 
> Huge thanks to my lovely 4Mia3 that keeps me sane and checks things over for me ♥ ♥
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!

"Are you sure? Do you really not care? I'm really sorry this came out of nowhere, but I... " Javi kept twitching around nervously, trying to contain his nerver.

 

"Javi. Seriously. It's fine." Tracy smiled at him gently, patting his arm. "Brian was  the only one supposed to go with you boys to NHK anyway, and I don't have a problem taking care of her for the time you spend in Japan, I worked things out with the other coaches, moved all my lessons to the afternoons, and my daughter Emma will look after her when I'm at the rink. She'll never be away from someone in my family."

 

Javier breathed out a sigh of relief, slumping back against the wall behind the wooden bench next to the rink. They only had a few days left until they were meant to leave for Japan, and they had been training at full power. He was so knackered most days, he just picked Kika up from Yuzuru's house, fed her, bathed her, played with her for a bit, put her to sleep, and then fell asleep until she woke up and demanded attention.

 

"I really don't know how to thank you, Tracy. Really. You're a life saviour."

 

Tracy laughed, and stood up.

 

"Everyone at home loves Li, Javi. We love having her around, don't worry. Now, take a ten minute break and we'll be picking up from where we stopped, okay?"

 

Javier nodded, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

 

He heard Yuzuru coming his way before he saw him. His eyes instantly snapped open, and he looked at his younger friend, alarm bells sounding in his mind.

 

"Yuzu, are you okay?" Yuzuru nodded, but Javier could tell he was not. His mouth was opened wide, his breathing wheezy and laborious, as he fought to draw air into his lungs. He looked like Kika when she had been in the hospital. It sent Javier into panic. "Can you breathe? Do you need your inhaler? Where is it?" Yuzuru shook his head, but his breathing still sounded off. "Yuzu, what' can I do? How do I help?"

 

Yuzuru simply grabbed his hand, and squeezed it tightly with both of his. Javier froze, but quickly lifter his other hand to rub circles on Yuzuru's shoulder, not knowing what else to do to help. Yuzuru closed his eyes and leant forward, finally being able to take less shallow breaths, and after a short while, he stopped wheezing all together.

 

"Better?" Javier asked, and Yuzuru nodded, leaning to the side to rest his head on Javier's shoulder.

 

"Better. Thank you Javi."

 

"It's what friends do."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ "I'm back!"  _ Yuzuru exclaimed as soon as he opened the door.

 

_ "Welcome home! Is Javi-kun with you?" _

 

_ "He is!" _

 

Yuzuru took off his shoes and rushed inside, leaving Javier in the entrance hall, still fighting with his left shoe that wouldn't come out. He immediately heard the squeals and smiled.

 

_ 'Looks like Kika saw Yuzu is back.' _

 

_ "Hi Kika-chan! How are you doing? I can't believe I haven't seen you at all today, that's just not acceptable! My precious, precious baby." _

 

Javier stepped into the living room to find Yuzuru lying on his back on the floor, a giggly baby sitting on his stomach as he shook her hands around, making her even more excited.

 

"Hi Javi-Kun." Yumi was sitting on the sofa, staring at her son play with the baby.

 

"Hello Mrs. Hanyu. Thanks for taking care of Kika today."

 

"Kika-chan is very pretty and very nice. Never cry. Sweet baby. I like having her here." Javier smiled at her words. "Javi-kun stay for dinner?" Javier's eyes widened. It was the first time he had been invited to stay.

 

"Mrs. Hanyu...I..." A loud squeal interrupted him, and he turned around to see Kika had discovered he was there as well, and was making grabby hands at him, trying to get out of Yuzuru's tight grasp around her middle to go to him. He smiled, and leant down to pick her up, kissing her face and inhaling her sweet powdery baby scent.

 

"You stay. I make lot of food. Dinner is ready in half hour." Yumi said, booping Kika's noise as she walked past them towards the kitchen.

 

He stood there, shocked, and turned to Yuzuru, who was sitting on the floor, caressing Pooh-kun's ear with delicate fingers.

 

"You hear mum, you stay for food. Come here, we play with baby until done." Javier rolled his eyes, passed Kika to him, and sat down to play with them.

 

It seemed he could never win when it came to the Hanyu Family.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dinner was a fun affair, a mixture of English and Japanese, Yuzuru and his mum bickering about what the correct way of saying what they wanted to say was, Kika babbling from her high chair as she looked at everyone with a wide smile, making it clear she felt happy to be with all these people that loved her.

 

Javier and Kika left that night, stepping out into the cold outside world feeling warm all over from how nice knowing there were people that liked you unconditionally was.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hey Javi." Yuzuru asked, as they sat on the train, on the way back home. They had had their last training session before they left for Japan. "I thinking." Javier hummed. "The other day, when I can't breathe." Javier tensed. "You scared. You think of Kika-chan, don't you?"

 

Javier bit his lip, but nodded.

 

"Yeah. Seeing you there, gasping and wheezing made me think of how close Kika was to..." Yuzuru grabbed his hand, holding it tight.

 

"Kika-chan is fine, Javi. She is happy, and fine, and so big." Javier smiled as Yuzuru worked to cheer him up.

 

"I know. Thank you."

 

They walked to Javier's house. Yuzuru could've gone home if he wanted, but Yumi had taken Kika for a walk that afternoon and was going to drop her at home when they were back, and Yuzuru refused to leave without saying goodbye to her properly.

 

They sat down on the sofa, Yuzuru instantly grabbing Effie and petting her as she purred happily.

 

"Kika was so small when I first had her in my arms. Just a tiny newborn, barely a few days old." Javier started, and Yuzuru's eyes instantly focused on him. He didn't want to interrupt him. "I had… minutes to decide what was actually going to happen to her, to decide I was going to raise her myself, and I didn't know what I was doing. Getting her was a shock. The biggest shock of my life. That night was..." Javier's eyes looked glassy, unfocused. As if, all of a sudden, he was back at the beginning of the year, scared and alone. "It was raining so hard that night. There was a huge thunderstorm. I was terrified. I barely made it home with her in my arms, tiny and innocent and so, so beautiful. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. I went inside and forgot to lock the door behind me, I just instantly headed to the radiator and sat as close as I could, to help her warm up. I remember calling Brian, and then, I can only remember one thing." Yuzuru put Effie down on the floor, and scooted over to Javier, putting his hand on his shoulder. "I lifted my hand to check her temperature, because I remembered that was what my mother used to do when I was young... and her little hand gripped my finger, so tightly it surprised me how such a small little thing could be so strong." Javier looked at Yuzuru, smiling softly. "And then I just... stared at her face. I couldn't stop looking at her and thinking: 'Mine. This is my daughter. This tiny human is mine, and depends on me, and I'll never let anyone harm her.'" Javier's eyes then turned a little colder. "I promised her that night that I would always love her, I would always be there for her, and I would never, ever abandon her." Yuzuru bit his lip. He was sure everything had to do with Kika's mum, but he stayed quiet. It wasn't time to ask questions. It was the time to listen, and let Javier get everything off his chest. "I'm reluctant to let new people into her life because I don't want people that I will abandon her to be in her life at all." Javier chuckled, taking Yuzuru's hand, and lacing their fingers.

 

"Javi..." Yuzuru muttered, eyes wet, his heart clenching empathically.

 

"You and your mum came out of nowhere, you know?" Javier confessed. "I wasn't planning on becoming so close in so little time. But you're so nice, and so kind, and so... you. And you instantly became my best friend, even when we couldn't even talk, and Kika loves you both so much..." Javier smiled even wider. "Thank you. For coming into our life. I sincerely can't imagine our days without you both."

 

Yuzuru bit his lower lip, and threw himself into Javier's arms to hug him tightly.

 

"I can't think life with no Javi and Kika-chan too." He whispered into Javier's ear, making him shiver. "You so important. I'm so happy I meet you."

 

Javier hugged him tighter into his body.

  
  


_ 'I like Javi and Kika-chan so much. I don't think it'd be the same without you. And I'll kill this stupid crush growing inside me if that means I can stay in both your lives forever.' _

  
  



	14. The Start To The Rest of Their Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL'S DAY CHAPTER!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!
> 
> I hope you like this one!!
> 
> Happy reading!! 
> 
> x

Yuzuru laughed out loud when Kika looked up at Alex in horror, and quickly hid her face into the crook of his neck, letting out a startled wail.

 

"Oh nononono, baby, don't cry!" Alex instantly panicked, taking off the mask, and trying to grab Kika's hand. "Look, it's me! It's Uncle Alex! Don't cry!" Kika kept her face hidden, tiny hands grasping at Yuzuru's training shirt tightly for safety.

 

Yuzuru smiled, and rubbed her back gently.

 

_ "Hey, Kika-chan, don't worry, look. It really is just Uncle Alex, come on, look, it's okay. _ " Kika seemed doubtful, but decided to trust him, and looked up to find it was indeed Alex standing there. She tilted her head to the side, looking extremely confused, making everyone around them coo.  _ "See? No reason to be scared." _  Kika still pouted and hugged Yuzuru's neck tighter.

 

"Stroke?" Shiny, hopeful eyes staring into his, making him melt.

 

"What did she say?"  Maia asked, as she recorded them with the camera, trying to get every second of her brother's suffering documented.

 

"She want me to skate, don't you Kika-chan?" Kika nodded, and Yuzuru started stroking slowly, making her smile widely and look around excitedly.

 

He smiled down at her, and did some slow twizzles, making her squeal in joy. He skated some more, before going back to where the rest were standing, completely ignoring the choreographer that was working with the kids for the beginning of the closing ceremony.

 

Javier smiled at them both when they came back, and Kika quickly lifted her small hand away from Yuzuru's shirt to wave her father hello.

 

Yuzuru stopped right in front of Javier, and smiled at him. Javier extended his arms to grab Kika, but she whined and clung to Yuzuru, making him freeze and making everyone around them laugh.

 

"Kika! Hija, vamos, ven con papá." Javier tried, wiggling his fingers. Kika hugged Yuzuru's neck stubbornly.

 

"No."

 

"Preciosa..."

 

"No. Yo con Tou." Javier fake cried into his hands, and then looked through his fingers to see if he was getting somewhere. Kika looked unimpressed.

 

"Está bien. Quédate con Yuzu." He got a blinding smile in return. He was so whipped for his daughter, it wasn't even funny anymore.

  
  
  


Yuzuru played with Kika for the next half hour, until his time to run through his program came. He kissed her chubby cheek, poked her nose, and gave her to Javi, who was messing around with the others by the side.

 

He skated away, crossing paths with Luca.

 

"You three look like an adorable little family most of the time." He laughed, going to centre ice, and into his starting pose.

 

He couldn't remember a single thing from his run through. Nothing at all. All he could think about were Luca's words.

  
  
  
  


They were free to go after a last run through -that Kika supervised from the choreographer's arms, clapping all along-, and the second they were done, Yuzuru found himself holding Kika again.

 

Once again, when Javier had tried to take her, she had refused and fought him until she was in Yuzuru's arms.

 

Yuzuru was both amazed and concerned by this.

 

His mum and Javier told him to go ahead, they would get all the bags, so Yuzuru simply grabbed his trainers and towel, went to an empty corridor, and plopped down to sit on the floor, sitting Kika right next to him, making sure she had Pooh-kun to keep entertained, and quickly removed his skates, wiping them clean and putting soakers on in a flash, handing them to his mother, and putting on his trainers. He looked at Kika, who was really serious as she hugged her plushie, paying extra attention to the motions Yuzuru's hands made as he tied his laces.

 

_ "Okay, we're good to go! Let's go wait for them by the entrance." _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru looked at the little bug sleeping on top of him, head lying against his shoulder, body completely slumped against his, and smiled gently, fingers running through her hair, so long for a kid her age. He looked to his side and held back a snort when he found Javier almost asleep, neck bent in an awkward angle as he tried and failed to actually rest.

 

"Javi." Javier hummed. "I have one Fernandez on shoulder. Other shoulder can be for other Fernandez."

 

Javier laughed quietly, but decided to take the offer, and slumped against Yuzuru, resting his cheek on his free shoulder, and sighing as the strain on his neck stopped.

 

"Wake me up when we get to the hotel."

 

"I will."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru was acting weird.

 

Everyone could see that.

 

That night, he had been normal around Kika, but he had excused himself extremely early. Really, really early.

 

And Javier was concerned.

 

_ 'Did I do something wrong? Oh no, was I too obvious? Did he realise I have feelings for him and that's why he's avoiding me so much?' _

 

The cherry on top had been the way Yuzuru had excused himself from joining them for dinner. Javier knew he had to talk to him.

 

So he made sure his parents and sister would be able to take Kika for the night. For a second, he was scared Kika wouldn't want to go with them, but his feelings were unfounded. Kika absolutely loved her Aunt Laura, and didn't even look upset when he left.

 

He then made his way to Yuzuru's room, knocking on the door and waiting until it opened.

 

"Mum, I told you that I..." Yuzuru stopped talking the second he saw Javier. "Uhh... you're not my mum."

 

"I'm not. Can I come in?" Yuzuru nodded, letting him enter the room before closing the door behind him.

 

Javier sat on the chair in front of the bed, and Yuzuru gingerly sat in front of him.

 

"What Javi doing here?"

 

"You've been strange all afternoon." Javier saw the way Yuzuru tensed up. "What's wrong, Yuzu? You know you can tell me absolutely anything."

 

Yuzuru looked down, awkwardly.

 

"It not something Javi can fix."

 

"I can try."

 

"No, you can't." Yuzuru took a deep breath, bit his lower lip, stayed quiet for a second, before talking. "Luca say we look like family in gala rehearsal. You, Kika and me."

 

Javier's eyes widened.

 

"Yuzu..."

 

"And I can't stop thinking of it. Kika-chan so cute and small and lovely. And Javi..." Yuzuru looked so incredibly sad, Javier wanted to make everything right so he would never look like that again. "I think I play family with Kika-chan and Javi, and forget I not family. I forget one day, you get wife and Kika-chan get mum, and you fall in love. And I forever Uncle Yuzu, the one that helped when Kika was baby, but that had no real place in family. And I..."

 

"No." Yuzuru was shocked by his tone, he could see it, but he was done with this. They were both dancing around the other, hurting for a love they thought was unrequired, but was clearly not. "No, you will never be Uncle Yuzu. I will never get a wife. And Kika doesn't need  a mum. She has never needed a mum and never will. You know why? Because she has a papá and a Tou, and that's all she will ever need." Yuzuru's breathing got faster, eyes filling up with tears, and Javier dropped to his knees, grabbing his hands. "I love you. I've been in love for years now, ever since I met you, and you charmed your way into our life. Even before you gave my daughter a second parent. Kika loves you, I love you, and our family is perfect just the way it is. You are family, we are family, all three of us." Javier run his fingers over Yuzuru's fingers. "I don't have a ring, I wasn't even planning on doing this, much less this way, but... Marry me, Yuzuru. Let's do this." Yuzuru gasped loudly. "Let's make this family official. I love you, please marry me."

 

"Javi, you crazy! I'm 20! We competing! How..."

 

"We do this together, just like how we do everything. Please, we don't need a big wedding."

 

Yuzuru's tears began falling down his cheeks, but he nodded frantically, throwing himself into Javier's arms, sending them both tumbling down to the floor, kissing him over and over again, muttering things in Japanese between each kiss. Javier pulled him in, kissing him deeply and passionately. The broke off when breathing became a necessity.

 

"But Javi, how we do?"

 

"Gay marriage is legal in Spain, we can figure it out today and get married before the end of the week. My parents are here, we can warn Tracy and Brian so they can see if they stay, and your dad and sister can try to come, since your mum is already here. We can just go sign the papers and register it, and do a big wedding, party and all that in the future. Please. I just want us to be a family, without a hint of a doubt."

 

Yuzuru nodded.

 

"Yes, yes to it all- I love you Javi. I love you so much."

 

"I love you too Yuzu."

  
  
  
  
  


They fell asleep together that night. The first night of the rest of their lives together.

  
  
  
  
  


**THE END**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Kika! Hija, vamos, ven con papá." Kika, child, come on, come to daddy.  
> "Preciosa..." Beautiful...  
> "No. Yo con Tou." No, me with Tou.  
> "Está bien. Quédate con Yuzu." Fine, stay with Yuzu.
> 
>  
> 
> PS: HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!! 
> 
> Don't worry, this story is nowhere near finished. We're here for the looooooong haul lol.
> 
> xx


	15. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Hi.
> 
> It's been almost 2 months since the last real update here. 
> 
> This chapter... well, this (and the next 2 or 3 chapters, I guess) was an absolute disaster to write. 
> 
> I was about ready to orphan this thing, and move to Iceland to raise Sheep and live in solitude tbh.
> 
> I wrote, hated, deleted and rewrote this chapter so many times... Today I wrote 2.4k words, absolutely hated them, got rid of everything and wrote this small thing instead.
> 
> I'm sorry it's mainly filler, and the plot is still not moving at all, this was supposed to be a really long chapter to make up for my absence, but I got to this point, it's late at night, and I know that if I wait until tomorrow I'm most likely going to delete it again, so I'm yeeting it out before I do that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it, and I'll be back whenever it is that I have the next bit ready.
> 
> Thanks to all the friends that read over my plot outline and betaed my work and told me it was not absolute crap, you people are awesome and I freaking love you ♥
> 
> Happy reading!

Yuzuru stared at Javier as he slept fitfully in the seat next to his.

 

Javier had looked like he was half-dead when he had arrived to the airport with Brian that day. He looked pale, tired and stressed.

 

"I didn't sleep a wink last night." He had confessed as they walked to their gate together. "I spent the entire night just... staring at Kika.  I know I'm being an idiot. She's safe now, and healthy, and I know I have nothing to worry about but my brain is telling me that she's not safe unless she's with me, or you, or your mum." Yuzuru bit his lip, not knowing what to say. He felt warm all over knowing Javier trusted them so much, he put them at the same level as himself. 

  
  


"I'm being an idiot, and it's frustrating because it's just a few days and I'll be back, nothing will happen to her. She'll be okay." They sat on the waiting area that was directly across the gate, the rest of their team and Yuzuru's mum scattering around that same area, and Yuzuru raised his hand and patted Javier's shoulder in an attempt to console him. It sounded like he was trying to brainwash himself into calmness, and Yuzuru wasn't sure that was going to work at all.

 

"Javi need relax. Kika is with Tracy and Tracy family, she'll be okay." Javier rested his hand on top of Yuzuru's, squeezing his fingers softly and smiling weakly.

 

"I know. I know."

 

"You need relax. Take out phone and we take silly photos." Javier laughed, and did as he was told.

 

They spent the rest of the wait posing in awkward, weird ways, being all over crazy and laughing loudly at each funny picture the took when they reviewed them.

 

"I love this one." Javier said, showing Yuzuru one of the last pictures they had taken. "We look great in this one"

 

"Javi look great! I look like I be attacked by angry goose!" Yuzuru pouted, and Javier laughed at his face.

 

"Can I post it on Instagram? I won't if you don't want me to."

 

Yuzuru pondered for a few moments, took the phone from his hand, stared at the picture for a few seconds, and then gave the phone back to him.

 

"Yes, you can post. But no ugly colour change. It nice like that."

 

Javier smiled widely, edited the picture size so it would fit Instagram's square format, wrote a quick caption, and posted it.

 

"What you write?" Yuzuru asked, curiously, trying to read over his shoulder. Javier quickly locked the screen and dumped the phone in his backpack.

 

"That's for me to know and for you not to find out because you're a grandpa and you don't have an Instagram account."

 

Yuzuru glared at him, and turned around dramatically, making Javier laugh at him, and taking out his own phone.

 

"What are you doing?" Javier asked, poking Yuzuru's side with a finger, making him squirm.

 

"I make Instagram account. So I see Javi's photo."

 

Javier's eyes widened in shock. He and Nam had tried, many times before, to get Yuzuru on Instagram, but they had been ignored each and every time. He wouldn't even download the app. He watched as Yuzuru intently stared at his phone, tapping away, ooh-ing and aah-ing his way through the app.

 

Yuzuru stopped tapping, a warm smile growing on his face. He turned his phone off, pocketing it, and then he turned to Javier, staring at him for a second, making him get nervous, before throwing his arms around Javier's shoulders in a hug.

 

Javier instinctively hugged him back, making him sigh in happiness as he rested his cheek on Javier's shoulder.

 

"Come on you two, sappy hours are over, time to board." They broke the hug and looked up to see Brian picking up his things.

 

The looked at each other, laughed and hurriedly gathered all their belongings to head to the plane.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**javierfernandezskater**

 

[ **PICTURE:** Javier and Yuzuru are in the picture. Both of them are obviously sitting in a departure lounge- Yuzuru is crossing his eyes weirdly, tongue playfully poking out of his mouth, and Javier is laughing out loud, eyes squinting closed and mouth open. Brian can be seen rolling his eyes in the back.]

 

**javierfernandezskater**  Just boys being boys and annoying the hell out of their coach. Can't wait to see Japan with my best friend!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier actually managed to sleep during the flight. He was so shocked when Yuzuru shook him away for dinner that he must've pulled a funny face, because Yuzuru let out a honking laugh before slapping both hands over his mouth, eyes wide, which in turn made Javier laugh silently. Yuzuru instantly began hitting him with one of his hands, trying to get him to stop laughing, but only making him giggle even harder.

 

"Children, stop fighting or they'll be no dessert for any of you." Brian said from across the aisle, not even raising his eyes from the book he was reading, and Yuzuru stopped hitting him instantly.

 

"But Brian, he start it!"

 

"Yes, and I'm finishing it. Now, stop being idiots and get your trays ready before the stewardess comes back."

 

Yuzuru pouted, rolling his eyes, but listened to Brian.

 

"Yes, dad." Javier muttered under his breath. Yuzuru stared at him. He stared back.

 

They broke out in giggles once again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hi Javi! You had a good short! We're both really proud of you!" Tracy said, bouncing Kika up and down from where she was sitting on her legs, intently staring at the computer screen as they skyped. "Someone ate a lot of carrot pureé today. Didn't want apples, but wouldn't stop eating carrots."

 

"Thanks Tracy, but it was... not my best. I hope I can make it better in the free, I really want to go to the final." Javier sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, before opening them and looking at his daughter. She was getting so, so big. Her little chubby face was starting to get defined features, and her hair was so incredibly long for a baby her age. He bit his lip, trying to stop himself from tearing up. It was hard, and it probably would still be hard in the future, but the way Kika smiled at him, offering him her Pooh-Kun through the computer screen was worth everything he had to go through. He had made a promise, that rainy March night, and he would keep it. His daughter would only know happiness and love, and support. He would be sure she'd always have everything she ever needed, and knew that he was always going to be there for her, no matter what. That he would never abandon her.

 

"I can see you yawning, young man. Go to bed now, we'll be right here tomorrow afternoon. This little girl has a few new bath toys to try out now, courtesy of Nam and his awful shopping habits."

 

Javier smiled, and nodded, sending kisses to his daughter and ending the call before he stayed there staring at the baby for the entirety of that night.

 

His phone vibrated with a message notification.

 

 

**1 NEW MESSAGE: YUZU**

 

 

 

**_Next time, update picture I no look like crazy person._ **

 

 

**_We take one on podium._ **

 

 

 

**_Deal._ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He sighed, turning his phone off and trying to go to sleep.

 

In the back of his mind, the comments under his pictures flashed, hitting him like the sand hits one's skin in a windy day on the beach, barely there, but stinging all the same.

 

Javier shook his head.

 

Those didn't matter. People were always going to talk.

 

And he was just going to keep on living.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me moaning about my writer's block on Twitter, @K1mHeechu1


	16. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! New chapter!! And it hasn't been two weeks since the last one!! 
> 
> I'm trying, I promise. lol 
> 
> Disclaimer: If anyone cries with this chapter, it's all Baby Cat's fault.
> 
> This is currently unbetaed, but I'm yeeting it out because I want to go to sleep lol.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @k1mheechu1
> 
> Happy reading!!

_‘Vamos. Conecta. Por favor, por favor, conecta.’_

  
  


Javier paced up and down the corridor, listening to the phone ring... and go straight to voice mail. For the tenth time.

"Javi..." He turned around to see Brian standing behind him. Yuzuru was somewhere sitting on a mat, wriggling around like a worm, which would have usually made Javier smile, but his mind couldn't stop thinking about Kika. "You don't have much time. You need to stay warm. I know it's hard, but it's business time. You need to focus." He bit his lip, nodding slowly, before sighing and giving Brian his phone, knowing that if he kept it with himself, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from trying to call again.

_'Puedo hacerlo. Puedo hacerlo. Kika está bien. Está con Tracy. Nada ha pasado. Puedo hacerlo.'_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He threw his bag to the floor rather forcefully, stripping off his clothes and jumping right into the shower, letting the hot water hit his back and draw a hiss of pain from his lips. It was boiling, burning his skin as he stood under it. He couldn't muster up the will to make it less hot.

  


_'Imbécil. No pudiste hacerlo. Cómo puedes ser tan inútil. No puedes hacer nada bien.'_

  
  


Tracy had called after he was done skating. Her phone had run out of battery without her realising. It was too late by then, he had had a mental breakdown before skating. He was able to calm down slightly, with Brian's help, but he had given such a pitiful performance, he was surprised he had ended up fourth instead of sixth or even tenth.

He couldn't stop the tears from falling, mixing with the water already running down his face. He was mad at himself, for being so weak. He knew Kika was okay, she had spoken to Tracy that same morning, had seen Kika smiling and happy and playing with her toys, yet he had still broken down like the idiot he was.

Javier still couldn't believe he had qualified for the final. He had simply been lucky. He knew that. It was all luck.

He was done with NHK. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to his daughter. He wanted to turn the page and start trying to organise his thoughts, as he had less than ten days until the final. He was thankful for the fact that he had gotten Kika a Russian Tourist visa already, even without knowing if he would actually need it. It was obvious he wasn't ready to skate without knowing where she was. Hopefully having her in the same building as him in the final would help keep his anxiety at bay.

He took a deep breath. Just the gala. Just the gala and then he would be back in Toronto before he realised. He could do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_"It is... advisable that you take into consideration the... personal situations of the people that surround you. The public image of the people around you can affect you gravely, and it can cast a negative light upon yourself. Hanyu-Senshu, this is the reason why we, as a federation decided to talk to you. We beg you will consider our words, and act accordingly to what is expected for an athlete representing Japan."_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Javier tried to block them out. He really did. He kept his head down, kept his headphones always on, kept out of the way. But he still heard it.

_"Look at him. I mean, he was always a flirt, we should've known."_

_"If anyone was going to get someone pregnant, of course it was going to be Fernández."_

_"Of course, he's the type that doesn't know what a condom is. I'm surprised he only has one kid. Oh, no I never slept with him, he just gives out mad fuckboy vibes."_

_"How can he keep skating? He should've retired and gotten a job, what's he going to feed the kid? Ice?"_

_"Did you see the kid? It's obvious where the mother is from... I bet he has a fetish too"_

_"I mean, I'm glad the mother dumped the kid and left him to take care of everything. If he fucked her and got her pregnant, he better own up to his own mistakes."_

_"I bet the kid is being raised by nannies. I mean, do you think he even knows how to change a diaper? Pffff"_

He only took deep breaths and shouldered on. It was okay. They could say shit about him all they wanted. It was okay. Kika was safe, and happy. He was okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Javier-" He felt someone grab his arm and pull him inside an unused room. He turned to see who it was.

And came face to face with Daisuke.

"Oh, hello. How can I help you?" Javier forced a smile on. He was waiting to perform his EX, the music from someone else's routine playing loudly in the arena.

"I feel need to tell you. I don't know who you are close to, but... Japanese Federation has told all skaters to not talk to you." Javier was dumbstruck, but at the same time... it could explain why people weren't talking to him as much as they would before the announcement.

Maybe their federations had also warned them about being seen around him. "I had talk, and then after me, Yuzuru-kun was called in, so he must have had talk too. I wanted you to know. You deserve to know that maybe friends will not talk because of federations, not because they don't want to talk anymore."

Javier took a deep breath, trying to reign his rage in.

"Thank you for telling me, Daisuke. Really." Daisuke nodded, patting him on the shoulder, before leaving.

Javier stared at nothing, standing in the middle of the empty room, trying to make sense of what he had just learned.

 

 

 

 

"Hi Javi!" Javier looked over his shoulder, finding Yuzuru standing there, looking soft and warm in his comfortable clothes. He nodded hello and went back to trying to find his key card. He was sure he had it in his pocket. "Javi, we play game? My things packed; I am bored!" Javier ignored him, finally opening his door and going in. Yuzuru followed him, and he made no attempt to stop him. He allowed him to enter the room and closed the door behind him.

"You can stop that now, Yuzuru." Yuzuru's head snapped up, eyes wide, shock written all over his face. Javier never called him Yuzuru. "There's no need to force yourself. You can go back to your room, plan things out. I promise I'll stop being a bother. I can tell Tracy I'll need her help for a bit longer, until I find someone I can trust with Kika."

"Javi, what-"

"And seriously, don't you think it's pretty stupid? You shouldn't be here. I know. I understand. Go. I can handle it by myself. You don't need to make your federation tell you again not to talk to me." Yuzuru's eyes narrowed in understanding.

"You know. I be told to stay away from Javi and Kika-chan."

"Yes, I know. I understand. Now go."

"That it? No fight? No talk? Fine. Fine, I leave. I not talk. Goodbye Javi."

Yuzuru bowed at him, before walking away, slamming the door loudly as he left.

Javier fell on his knees, regret filling his entire body, making it feel as if it was made of lead.

  
  
  


_'Oh god. Was he- ...He was going to stay, wasn't he? And I just pushed him away! What did I just do!?'_

  


Javier broke down in sobs hands going up to his hair, to tug at the curls, enraged with himself.

He was so scared of losing Yuzuru, he had just driven him away- and he had no idea how to fix it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Vamos. Conecta. Por favor, por favor, conecta.’ Come on, go through. Please, please, go through.
> 
> 'Puedo hacerlo. Puedo hacerlo. Kika está bien. Está con Tracy. Nada ha pasado. Puedo hacerlo.' I can do it. I can do it. Kika's fine. She's with Tracy. Nothing has happened. I can do it.
> 
> 'Imbécil. No pudiste hacerlo. Cómo puedes ser tan inútil. No puedes hacer nada bien.' Idiot. You couldn't do it. How can you be so useless. There's nothing you can do right.


	17. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDJMHGF Can I just stop writing short things and write a long, plot-ful chapter? Please, Brain? Can I?
> 
>  
> 
> Ugh. Whatever, here you go.
> 
> Find me on Twitter @k1mheechu1
> 
> Thanks to 4Mia3 for being my writer's block twin and helping me untangle this chapter and Shaykippers for being awesome and betaing this♥
> 
> Happy reading!

Javier stared at Yuzuru as he grabbed his bags off the baggage carousel, putting them on the floor next to him, and making sure both his and his mother's bags had been picked up.

 

They hadn't spoken at all since Yuzuru left his room. Brian kept looking at both of them, and Javier knew he knew something was wrong, but he still hadn't asked what it was. Javier felt the space between them, the tense silence Yuzuru avoided by keeping his earphones in and playing music the entire time almost hurt Javier, making his entire body ache with the need to speak, but not daring to, lest he made Yuzuru even madder.

 

It was his fault. It had been his damn lack of self-confidence, his brain telling him he was not worth taking risks for, that had made this mess. And Javier had no idea what to do, or how to solve it.

 

He sighed, before walking around to pick his own bags off the carousel.

 

"Javi-kun" He instantly turned around to find Yumi in front of him. "I pick Kika-chan up from rink tomorrow, I be there with Yuzu-kun since early. You take her there and I take her back."

 

"Mrs. Hanyu..." Yumi glared at him, as if knowing what he was going to say before he even tried to say it.

 

"Don't be stupid boy. You fight. It okay. It get better. Kika-chan has no to do with fight." Javier got teary eyed, but he took a deep breath, and nodded. "Okay, rest tonight. I need to go home with son now."

 

Javier watched both of them walk away, Yuzuru not looking back at him even once, wondering what he had ever done to deserve so much kindness from the Hanyu family.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once again, he spent the entire night watching his daughter sleep.

 

Tracy had dropped her home about an hour after he arrived, Nam had already dropped Effie at home a few hours before he got there, so he took the evening to simply cuddle and love both his girls. Effie, paying him no attention whatsoever until she got a can of nice tuna as a bribe, spent most of the evening purring as she stuck to Kika, nuzzling into her, being really nice and gentle as Kika played with her ears and tail, and licking her when she finally fell asleep, in Javier's bed, as he couldn't bare the thought of being apart from her, even if it was just for a few hours.

 

He couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so innocent, lying there next to him, small mouth barely open, arms loosely wrapped around her Pooh-kun.

 

Her eyelashes looked so thick, and he couldn't help but softly run his fingers through her hair. It really was incredibly long, even more so now that the curls she had had when she was younger were beginning to loosen up. Javi had no doubt her hair might end up being just loosely wavy, if not completely straight by the time it got long. He was glad. Straight hair would be so much easier to manage, even more so considering they'd have to learn new hairstyles together as they went.

 

He couldn't help but sigh, thinking back about some of the comments he had heard in Japan.

 

People were already wondering about Kika's mum. He knew it was going to come up, sooner or later, but at least, people were talking about Kika's mum and himself, instead of talking about Kika at all. That was okay. He could deal with that.

 

He would take every mean comment, every lost friendship, every glare and harsh whisper they threw at him, as long as it was him they were bashing, and criticising. It would be okay.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He realised he hadn't slept a wink when his alarm rang loudly, making Kika whine in her sleep, moving around to bury her little face in Javier's neck, seeking the warm comfort of her father's smell. Javier quickly turned it off, and softly rubbed Kika's plump cheek.

 

"Kika... Kika..." A whine. "Bebé, es hora de despertarse. Vamos, tienes que ponerte guapa para ir al cricket." Kika opened her eyes, looked up at him and gave him a sweet, sleepy smile that made him melt. He kissed her forehead. "Hola preciosa, cómo has dormido? Espero que bien, porque tienes que estar descansada por los dos. Vamos, a desayunar y luego a prepararnos, que ya llegamos tarde."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They had not arrived late, even with the amount of time it had taken Javier to get Kika ready, and how much he had to fight for her not to remove her face mask while they were on the train. She absolutely hated wearing them, but he didn't really mind keeping an eye on her little fingers as long as she was wearing them. He couldn't get the fact that anyone that was ill could pass it on to her, so he was making her wear it. He had even picked some pink Hello Kitty and yellow and green Winnie the Pooh children masks up when he was in Japan, in hopes the cuteness would convince her to keep them on. It was sort of working. At least she was too focused staring at her own reflection in the window to try to tug it off half the time. He'd take every little success he could.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier took a deep breath before heading to the lounge once he got to TCC. He knew that's where he would most likely find Yumi, as that was where she usually was when she spent time at the rink. And he did find her, sitting on one of the tables, just staring out towards the rink, where Nam was already warming up on the ice. Yuzuru was nowhere to be seen.

  
  
  


"Good morning..." Yumi looked up, and smiled when she saw Kika. 

  
  
  


"Hello, Javi-kun." Yumi stood up and Kika instantly raised her arms to be picked up by her, making her laugh. "Hello, Kika-chan! I've missed you so much! Look how pretty you look, so nice!" Kika giggled, patting her hands against Yumi's cheeks. "You pick Kika up after training? What time end today?"

  
  
  


"I'm done at 5"

  
  
  


"Okay, I wait at home. You come when you done."

  
  
  


"Thank you so much Yumi... I know-"

  
  
  


"Javi-kun know nothing." Yumi's eyes became cold all of a sudden, and his heart panged with regret, knowing this was his own fault. "Other day I get knock on my door late at night, and find Yuzu crying. He say hear what JSF have been say and you no longer be his friend." Yumi raised a hand, and struck him on the shoulder, making his eyes widen in shock. "Yuzu got talk from JSF. They tell Yuzu to not talk to you, no talk, no stand next to, no spend time, no take picture. They think it will be bad for Yuzu image if people see him with you." Javier winced as his suspicions were proven right. JSF knew people thought he slept around and knocked girls up, and were scared people would think Yuzuru was just as promiscuous as Javier himself was being made up to be by the public. 

  
  
  


"Mrs. Hanyu, I-"

  
  
  


"He say no." Javier was stunned into silence. Had he heard that right? "Yuzu-kun told JSF he talk to who he want, that it was his private life and own problem. He say who his friend was was no problem. He say he will show on ice that friends have no relation to skating. But he will not stop being friend because they want him to." Javier's eyes filled with tears of relief. He had held the hope from the minute he realised Yuzuru might've been prepared to stay by his side, and hearing that confirmation only made him feel more touched because of just how faithful a friend Yuzuru actually was, and because of how stupid he had been to even doubt him in the first place. "So, Javi-kun know nothing. Javi-kun and Kika-chan are family. We don't leave family for silly fight. Pick her up after 5." Javier nodded, and then stared at Kika when she let out a whine.

  
  
  


"Oh. Pooh-kun. I forgot to take him out of my bag. Wait a second, I'll go get him and be right back."

  
  
  


He quickly ran to the locker room, opened his bag and took the bear out, before making his way back into the lounge. He stood by the door, frozen as he took in the sight in front of him.

  
  
  


Yuzuru was carrying Kika in his arms, smiling widely and talking in Japanese excitedly, bouncing her up and down as she stared at him with complete adoration. He quickly leaned in and gave her a huge kiss on the cheek, making her squeal, and he laughed, kissing her again on the other cheek. Yumi said something to him in Japanese, and he deposited Kika back in her arms, kissing her forehead and combing down her hair one last time before turning around, walking past Javier and out of the lounge without even glancing at him.

  
  
  


Javier bit his lip, before taking a deep breath and giving Kika her Pooh-kun, kissing her cheek, nodding goodbye at both of them, and heading out to train.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru avoided him the entire day.

 

It seemed trying to apologise would be harder than he had initially thought

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me your theories, predictions, wishes or just what you think in the comments!!!
> 
> "Bebé, es hora de despertarse. Vamos, tienes que ponerte guapa para ir al cricket." Baby, it's time to wake up. Come on, you need to get all pretty to go to the cricket.
> 
> "Hola preciosa, cómo has dormido? Espero que bien, porque tienes que estar descansada por los dos. Vamos, a desayunar y luego a prepararnos, que ya llegamos tarde." Hi, beautiful, how did you sleep? I hope it was nice, because you need to be rested enough for both of us. Come on, let's get breakfast and then we get ready, we're already running late


	18. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> It's not a month yet. Sorry anyway. I promise I'll try to update more frequently.  
> I'm sleep deprived and haven't even re-read this thing, so I hope it's not too crappy- My amazing beta Shakippers will be betaing it tonight and I'll edit it in the morning, I just needed this out now.
> 
> Find me on Twitter @k1mheechu1- should I use curiouscat? I don't think anyone would want to ask me things tho lol.
> 
> Hope you like it! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Javier could only stare at Yuzuru's back as they walked towards his house. Yuzuru hadn't even looked at him the entire day. He had even gotten ready and left a few minutes before Javier, and the only reason they had ridden the same train was that Javier had run to the stop.

 

They stood side by side in complete silence, and he almost had to run after Yuzuru as he left for the bus stop.

 

He had sat on the row behind Yuzuru, staring at his head as Yuzuru stared out of the window, earphones in and bag handle tightly grasped in his hand.

 

The way from the bus stop to Yuzuru's home was the same. Silence. Tension.

 

Everything felt wrong.

 

And it was Javier's own fault.

 

Yuzuru didn't wait for him at all after opening the door, he just took his shoes off and ran to the living room, where the loud squeals that followed told Javier Kika had seen Yuzuru was home.

 

He took his time taking his shoes off and neatly arranging them out of the way, lining his bags against the wall, and only headed for the living room when he knew he couldn't take longer without seeming suspicious.

 

His heart almost melted when he saw Yuzuru lying on his back on the floor, Kika sitting right on top of his chest, little hands grabbing his fingers as he moved his hands up and down making her arms bounce to the rhythm of an unheard song.

 

Javier almost had a heart attack when Yumi's hand touched his shoulder softly. He instantly nodded his head at her in silent greeting.

 

"I made you an obento. Kika food is there too, today is pumpkin puree, she like it in the morning, so I make extra." She handed him a fabric bag, and his eyes widened. He opened his mouth to talk, but she cut it off before he could even start. "Javi shut up. You are tired and need quick food and sleep, not cook or pizza." He blushed. Ordering takeaway had been his first choice for dinner.

 

"Thanks Mrs. Hanyu." He accepted the bag and gave her a smile.

 

A loud babble that sounded really close to him made him turn around, and he found Yuzuru standing right in front of him, holding Kika and Pooh-kun in his arms.

 

"Kika want go to her dad." Yuzuru gave her a kiss on the cheek before carefully giving her to Javier. He bit his lip when he noticed just how careful Yuzuru was not to touch him at all. "Bye bye Kika-Chan! See you tomorrow!" Yuzuru combed her hair away from her face one last time before turning away as soon as she babbled to Javier and disappearing inside his room.

 

Javier just watched him walk away, pained he hadn't been able to do anything to fix the mess he had made.

 

* * *

  
  


He smiled at Kika as she avidly watched him heat up her puree a little, from where she was sitting in her baby swing. She was getting a little too big for it, but she loved it, so Javier was going to keep using it, as long as she still fit in there and it caused no harm. He would have to invest in something to keep her occupied now she was getting older; the old toys wouldn't work as she neared her first birthday.

 

Javier got her into her highchair and sat in front of her, filling the spoon with the orange puree and she instantly opened her little mouth. He laughed quietly as she hungrily ate the puree, making little noises that Javier interpreted as culinary commentary.

 

He was startled when he put the spoon in her mouth, and it collided against something hard that he was sure hadn't been there before. He waited for Kika to swallow that spoonful of food before leaning closer to her.

 

"A ver, hija, abre la boca." She just stared at him, so he sighed, went to the sink, washed his hands really well, and then went back to his daughter. He gently put his index finger into her mouth, and she made a shocked sound but then tried to munch on the finger happily. And that's when he knew what it was.

 

Teeth.

 

His 8-month-old daughter had teeth.

 

Somehow, he had completely missed the fact she was getting her teeth.

 

He lifted her lips a little, smiling at her to keep her happy, and saw that, indeed, his suspicions were right. There they were, four tiny front teeth poking through her pink gums.

 

He exhaled loudly in shock, and then sat down and finished feeding her.

 

His baby was so big. So, so big. She was growing up so, so fast.

 

Javier feared how fast things were changing, and how many changes they would still have to face.

 

* * *

  
  
  
  
  


"She has teeth." He announced as soon as he got to the rink that day, and both Yumi and Tracy looked at him, down and Kika's sleeping face, half covered by her Pooh face mask, and then at each other. Then, Tracy took 20 dollars out of her pocket and gave them to Yumi, who raised an eyebrow at her. "Wait, what just happened?"

 

Tracy rolled her eyes at him, smiling at him in a motherly way.

 

"We had an ongoing bet on when you were going to realise she had teeth." Javier's eyebrows furrowed, and he looked so painfully confused, both women wanted to coo at him. "Javi, she was been growing teeth for two months. She was already teething when you went to Finlandia." Javier's eyes widened. That long!? How hadn't he noticed!?

 

"Not worry. I not see Yuzu's teeth until he is 10-month-old. Happens." Yumi bid Tracy goodbye, and stole Kika from Javier, took her bag, checking Pooh-kun was in there, patted his shoulder and walked away.

 

Javier just sighed and headed to the locker room to change into his training gear.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Javier saw Yuzuru was going to fall and fall hard the second he took off from the ice into an unstable quad Sal. His axis was all wrong, there was no way he was going to be able to land that jump.

 

Yuzuru did land. On his butt, and hip, and his entire left side, rather harshly, the loud noise of his body hitting the ice shocking everyone into stopping whatever they were doing and staring at him.

 

When he didn't get up after 15 seconds, still lying on his side on the ice, Javier quickly snapped out of it and rushed to his side.

 

"Yuzu, you alright?" He skidded to a stop in front of Yuzuru, concerned written all over his face. He extended a hand to help him up, but Yuzuru, already recovered from the shock, ignored him completely, painstakingly getting up without any help and almost falling back down. Javier caught him before he could fall completely. He simply wrapped his arms around Yuzuru and helped him skate to the side of the rink, where Brian and Tracy were waiting for them, obviously worried.

 

"Yuzu, are you okay? What hurts?" Yuzuru simply shook his head and tried to shake Javier off him. "Javi, take him to the locker room and help him get out of the skates. I'll get the medic to take a look at him, just in case."

 

Yuzuru tried to protest, but to no avail.

 

He accepted Javier's help only until his butt hit the locker room bench, and then he slapped his hands away, bending forward slowly to take his skates off himself.

 

"Yuzu, you don't have to..."

 

"Javier-san needs leave. Thank you for help-"

 

"Yuzu, c'mon, please let me help. Please talk to me. I'm so sorry. Please."

 

Yuzuru bit his lip, and then looked at Javier straight in the eye.

 

"I know. I know Javi sorry. But sorry is not enough. Sorry don't fix broken heart."

 

Javier felt his whole world shattering as he saw the pain that shone in those brown eyes.

 

He had really fucked up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me your theories, predictions, wishes or just what you think in the comments!!!


	19. November 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeee finallyyyyyy! 
> 
> Hello, we're done with November 2012 once and for all, lol, and I'm falling asleep so I'll wrap this one up quickly.
> 
> Thank you to of_feathers_and_bowstrings for being my emergency beta for this chapter ♥
> 
> Find me on Twitter @k1mheechu1. I'm thinking of using curiouscat but I don't have people that will ask questions so we'll see lol.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!!

****

Yuzuru didn't know what to do.

 

He felt as if his entire world was collapsing that night in Javier's hotel room. He couldn't believe Javier actually thought he would listen to what the federation was saying and just stop talking to him, stop hanging out with him, stop caring about Javier and Kika.

 

Yuzuru felt hurt, so deeply hurt that Javier hadn't even considered the possibility of him deciding not to listen to the federation, that Javier had thought he was coming into his room pretending to be okay with him, or worse, that he was coming into his room to stop being his friend, that Javier thought he was leaving and didn't even try to convince him to stay, even if he had absolutely no plans to leave.

 

His heart ached terribly; the past three days had been pure torture. He felt as if he was being ripped in two, by the part of him that wanted to just forgive Javier and go back to how everything was before, and the part of him that was holding onto his pride, whispering in his ear that he didn't need Javier in his life, that he had survived on his own nicely enough without him for 17 years.

 

Yet... had he really been okay before Javier? His entire world had revolved around skating the entire previous year, and friendships, school, life, everything had been left in the backseat since he made the decision to repay his life debt by making people remember Sendai existed and still needed help by becoming the best skater he could possibly be, and even better after that.

 

And then he had arrived in Toronto and met Javier and Kika and... everything had changed? He thought before, he needed to avoid everything that wasn't productive, he needed to avoid people, things, hobbies, outings, he needed to give everything up in order to become a better skater, to become the best skater in the field. And yet, here he was, training, spending time with Javier and Kika and actually enjoying being with them, and still studying, and, to his utter surprise, his skating was the best it had ever been.

 

And he was convinced Javier had played a big role in his change.

 

So, here he was, lying on a bench, after having been scolded by Brian for risking his health barely a week before the GPF, by jumping a quad when he knew he was extremely tired and would most likely not be able to land it at all; and trying to decided what to do with the "Javi Situation.”

 

His head told him he couldn't forgive him like this, so easily, so swiftly. He couldn't be sure Javier wouldn't do it again. Yet his heart told him Javier had done what he had done out of sheer desperation and insecurity. That he thought himself so unimportant, he hadn't even considered the possibility that Yuzuru would risk the backlash of remaining by his side.

 

He didn't know which side to choose.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuzuru made his way to the train station slowly. He could feel Javier's presence a few steps behind him, and it made him take a deep breath as he stood in front of the tracks and waited for the next train to arrive.

 

He winced a little when he sat down inside the train, and he saw Javier's concerned face out of the corner of his eye. He chose to ignore him, moving to adjust his sitting position a little, inhaling harshly as he rested over the tender side of his body. He could already feel the bruise forming, and it wouldn't be pretty.

 

The bus ride was just as awkward as the train ride, and the blocks that separated Yuzuru's home from the bus stop felt like kilometres long. The tense silence between him and Javier felt so strange and different from everything they had ever had.

 

Yuzuru opened the door, toed his shoes off, and made his way to the living room as fast as he could, only to find it empty. He went to the kitchen instead; it was empty as well. There, he found a note stuck to the refrigerator with a Pooh-shaped magnet.

 

 

 

 

**_We went out._ **

****

**_Go back to Javi's house both of you and I drop Kika-chan and pick Yuzu-kun up later when we back._ **

****

**_Love, Mum_ **

 

 

 

 

He inwardly cursed his mother. How would he be able to survive being alone with Javier for however long she took to come back?

 

He grabbed the note, walked back to the living room where Javier was standing and gave him the note. He then went to the entrance to put his shoes back on. Javier quickly followed his example and they walked back to Javier's house in no time.

 

Yuzuru instantly headed to the living room to find Effie, who was sleeping on the armchair, and quickly picked her up, petting her soft fur as she purred and gave his hand tiny kitten licks.

 

He felt something rough under his fingers and looked down to find an envelope attached to Effie's little collar. It was addressed to him.

 

_Yuzu_

_Words cannot describe how sorry I am for hurting you. I should've known better than to doubt you, but I just... I mean, look at me, I'm a mediocre skater that is also a mediocre dad, and you're you. So bright, and talented, and friendly and I honestly still can't believe you decided to befriend me of all people._

_I know I fucked up tremendously, and I let my anxiety and my lack of confidence get to me and I wouldn't blame you if you decide you want nothing to do with me ever again... what I meant to say is: I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have done that, just assumed things without thinking them through._

_I promise I will never again do that, and I will try to talk to you about anything before jumping to conclusions._

_It's only been 4 days, but it feels as if something's missing, like there's a piece of my heart that's not there and I don't think I can go on like this._

_You're my best friend, Yuzu. You’re Kika's favourite uncle, and I would love nothing more than to have you in my life for lots and lots of years._

_I'm sorry._

_Javi_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuzuru stared at the piece of paper for what felt like hours, before looking back up. Javier was standing next to the sofa, awkwardly balancing his weight from the balls to the heels of his feet as he waited for Yuzuru to say something.

 

Yuzuru simply stood up, setting Effie and the letter down on the armchair, dried the stray tears that had fallen down his cheeks, and walked until he was standing in front of Javier. He looked into his eyes and... raised his hand in a fist and hit him square on the shoulder, making him gasp in pain, recoiling back from the shock.

 

"Wha-" Yuzuru stepped closer, and Javier looked frightened. "Yuzu..."

 

And then, Yuzuru hugged Javier tightly, throwing his arms around his shoulders and burying his face in Javier's neck. It took him a few moments to process what was going on, but eventually Javier wrapped his arms around Yuzuru's waist and breathed in deeply, relief washing over him.

 

"Javi do something stupid like this again and next time I hit face." Yuzuru muttered into his skin, making Javier shiver, but nod against his shoulder. "Good. Now hug more. Mum come later and I want use evening to play with Kika-chan."

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next afternoon, there was a small brown package on his bed when he arrived home after practice.

 

****

**_Once again: I'm sorry._ **

**_-Javi_ **

 

 

 

Yuzuru smiled widely at the tiny Pooh plushie dressed in a flowery kimono and set it right in the middle of his Pooh shelf, before hurrying up to change. There was a tiny little girl that was waiting for her Uncle Yuzu in the living room in his best friend's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THESE FUCKERS FINALLY MADE UP YEEE!!
> 
> They were starting to annoy me lol


End file.
